


Look At Me Now

by arimabat



Series: whole world's bringing me down [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: A lot of talking, Banter, Canon Compliant, Existential Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Thor: The Dark World, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers is done with everyone's bullshit, in the very loosest sense that there's nothing explicitly contradicting it, it's more fun than it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-21 17:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15562569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arimabat/pseuds/arimabat
Summary: Steve is on the run. His already complicated life becomes just a little more complicated when an old enemy shows up unexpectedly. But Loki has changed since their last encounter and he could have crucial information to stop a fast-approaching threat.If he’s willing to tell Steve.Or, the one where Loki keeps bothering Steve until he figures out a way to get something useful out of it and then it all just becomes a mess.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do please leave comments! And you can find me on Tumblr as [@arimabat](https://arimabat.tumblr.com).
> 
> There's an entirely optional Mordo-focused prequel [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983192).

Steve rolled behind the crate, hoping he had been quiet. The two guards passed, way too close. It was dark but he could just about make out bulky machine guns. Oh what he would give to come up against guards with handguns for once…

He had to move, now. Time to enter this base.

Activating his earpiece, he muttered, “Going in now.”

A pause. Then Natasha’s voice. “Copy that.”

The door was guarded by one man. Steve considered trying to make him leave his post for a moment before opting for the direct approach. He snuck up to him for the side, then quickly jammed his head back against the wall. The man crumpled.

Steve stepped forward and tried the door. It opened smoothly and he stepped inside. The base was more brightly lit and presumably had cameras everywhere. But for now, he looked exactly like a guard would.

He headed straight towards the vault. Better establish what the hell was in that thing before calling in Wanda.

Arriving at a door, he tested the handle. Locked. Getting close, was he? He pulled out one of Natasha’s newfangled devices and attached it to the lock. A second later, there was a small sound like a ‘poof’ and when Steve tried the handle again, it opened easily.

He increased his pace, aware that it wouldn’t take long before he was detected. Close enough now that any guard’s presence would surely be considered suspicious. His heart still pounded a little faster on missions like these. Even after all these years.

No time for sentimentality.

Steve heard the approaching footsteps from a corridor behind him to the right and ducked into a crevice. He was close to a locker of some kind, maybe storing weapons. Too risky to check.

Going by the footsteps, the guard turned into his corridor - because of course he did - and was getting steadily closer. Once he passed the crevice he _would_ see Steve. No hiding in sight, no suitable explanation for why he would be this close to the vault or, worse, why he was hiding. Fine, then. Might as well start the inevitable battle.

He sprung around the corner, ready to face the stranger with fists raised and -

froze.

An extremely startled god looked back at him.

They stared at each other before Steve grabbed him and pulled him back into the crevice, shoving him against the wall.

“This is a surprise.”

“Aren’t you meant to be dead?” asked Steve, trying to inject a lot of anger into the whisper but not really pulling it off.

“So I’m told.”

This was a nightmare. It had to be. It wasn’t like he hadn’t featured in those before, the haunting figure grinning at him in Stuttgart.

 _Please let this be a nightmare_.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Same as you, I imagine. The mortals who run this facility have acquired weapons they shouldn’t have. I’m here to change that.” He bared his teeth. “I suggest you don’t get in my way.”

And without another word, he just… started walking. Steve stared at the wall for a moment, before jogging out and following him. All edges and Asgardian leather, the guy was tense and ready to fight. But he was also really conspicuous.

“How has no one noticed you?”

“I know how to hide myself. If you hadn’t jumped me, you wouldn’t know I was here either.”

He sounded oddly calm, and as Steve came up next to him he noticed how much less sickly he looked than the last time he had seen him. Hair seemed less oily too. What the _hell_ -

“Should I send in Wanda?” came the voice through his ear.

He covered his mouth before answering. “Not… yet. Don’t send her in unless I say so.”

Couldn’t risk her too before he knew more.

Steve realised, too late, that someone had been waiting hidden in the corridor on the left. Stupid corridors. It was the height of carelessness, the kind that _wouldn’t_ have happened if he hadn’t been so damn distracted by a certain someone showing up. Even as he whirled around, he knew he couldn’t stop the gun from firing. Pointed right at his head, the inevitably of this stupid, stupid end stung immeasurably. Probably not as much as the bullet would, though.

But before his assailant could shoot, an arm struck against the gun and made it fall against the ground. With a sweeping motion, his legs were taken out from under him and he fell on the ground, hard. To Steve’s utter shock, the god was bending over the guard, holding his hand against the other’s forehead as the assailant writhed for a few seconds before slumping.

Steve stared at him. Had _Loki_ just -

“Don’t just stand there,” said Loki dismissively as he straightened again. “I need to get to the vault.”

He started walking again. More uncertain than ever, Steve followed.

“Eh… Thanks,” he said.

Loki glanced at him askance before turning his attention back to the corridor in front of them. “Being detected would have been too troublesome. You’re lucky that you’re only a nuisance to me right now.”

“I could become a lot more than that depending on what your game is,” said Steve, narrowing his eyes. Niceties over. “Why would you be interested in whatever’s in the vault?”

“Why would I tell you?”

“Because I’m not alone here. Do you remember what happened the last time you took on a team of us?”

An irritated look. “Regrettably, yes. Not that I see why you would try to stop me, considering I’m acting in your interest.”

“How so?” asked Steve sceptically.

“There are Asgardian weapons in the vault.”

Before Steve could react, red lights came on around them and a siren started blaring.

Loki quickened his pace, long legs moving fast enough that Steve had to break into a light jog to keep up.

He grabbed Loki at the arm, making him stop and turn around with a half-snarl.

“ _What_?”

“You want to take them for yourself?”

Loki grimaced and closed his eyes for just a moment. “I would have preferred to, but clearly that option is no longer ideal.” He opened them again and shrugged before snatching his arm away from Steve’s grasp. “Blowing them up is probably fine too.” He started walking again, Steve close on his heels.

“Do Asgardian weapons blow up?”

The god looked at him with an unnervingly mischievous smile. “Most things do, if you find an explosive strong enough.”

This was going brilliantly.

They were almost at the vault.

“Steve, what’s going on?” came a voice through his earpiece.

“Unexpected development,” he muttered. “I’m fine, almost at the vault. But I have… company.”

“Who?”

“Loki.” He heard quiet swears and hastily added. “But he’s not trying to kill me. He’s actually… eh… He might end up taking care of our weapons problem for us.”

“What exactly is going on in there?”

“I’ll explain later,” said Steve, fervently hoping there would be a later. “Just… trust me on this.”

They had reached the vault door, heavy and thick with a wheel-type opening mechanism. Loki examined it briefly then held his hands and ran his fingers over various parts of the door, sometimes tapping them, with his eyes half-closed.

Steve couldn’t help himself. “You do realise that there’s guards converging on us while you’re stroking the door.”

Another irritated look. “As a matter of fact, they aren’t. All they can see on their little screens is two intruders in an entirely different area. Now shut up and let me concentrate.”

“You can do that?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. Almost beat your stupid little realm into submission and still I don’t get any respect… Ah, there we go.”

There was a bright green flash and the door swung open.

Loki stepped forward with a grimly satisfied smile. Steve followed him, a little impressed despite himself.

“What now?” he asked.

The Asgardian plucked a boomerang-shaped piece of metal from thin air. He pulled it apart somehow that there were two such pieces with a small translucent screen between them. Another gesture and his other hand held a compact device and four things that looked like large pins. He let go of them and they hovered in midair, then tapped at the screen. The device and four pins flew into different directions, the device straight ahead to what Steve imagined was the centre of the vault.

“Now I get rid of these weapons.”

Steve watched this display with more than a little confusion. Loki seemed to know what he was doing but it wasn’t like he had much reason to believe that that was a good thing.

“What are you doing?”

“Marking a perimeter and putting the explosive in place. They’re in position now, so I suggest we leave this room.”

Loki was about to turn, but Steve held out a hand. “Wait,” he said.

A frown. “For what?”

“Do we know whether the vault is empty?”

He rolled his eyes. “Is that _really_ any of my concern?”

“Yeah. It is now.” Steve walked a few steps and smashed into the fire alarm on the wall. A new siren started blazing above them.

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“I know.”

“And they were already aware of our presence.”

“Yeah.”

“So what exactly does that achieve?”

Steve shrugged. “We’re giving them a chance.”

“To find us.”

“To live.”

Loki regarded him with obvious irritation. “They can have another minute.”

It occurred to Steve that Loki had no obvious reason to acquiesce. Maybe it was the threat of his waiting team, maybe Loki just didn’t want any trouble. Which really didn’t seem like him at all. _What_ was going on here?

“Time’s up,” said Loki.

Yeah, there was probably no one in there. He hoped.

They stepped outside and Loki pressed on his screen thing again.

A flash of red light.

And the entire room just vanished into nothing.

“… the hell?” muttered Steve. He coughed, smelling something really weird wafting out of the now empty vault. Loki turned and started walking back down the corridor, looking nauseatingly satisfied with himself.

Steve followed him again. “ _What was that_?”

“Little memento from Svartalfheim.” He must know that this was meaningless to Steve. “Only good thing to come out of that whole sorry affair… Well, not the _only_ good thing, I suppose.” He made a humming sound, not paying much attention to Steve.

Steve heard the unmistakable sound of approaching footsteps.

“We need to get out of here.”

“You don’t say,” came the dry response.

Once again, he heard the voice in his earpiece. “What’s happening?”

“I’m still fine. Coming out if all goes well.”

“With Loki?”

“Looks that way.”

“Sure you don’t need Wanda to make something explode?”

“Not right now, no.”

“Hope you’re not being mind-controlled, Rogers.”

“I’m not.”

A sceptical sound, but she seemed to have accepted that.

Steve followed Loki as he turned into a corridor and started as they came face to face with two guards with machine guns. Loki backed off, his hands held up as the guards shouted at them. But before Steve could even move, both guards dropped to the ground without as much as a murmur. Loki shimmered green and disappeared - but now he was standing behind the two guards. He started walking again.

“How did you do that?” asked Steve, growing a little tired of catching up with him but unwillingly gratified of how relaxing it was to be fighting on the _same_ side as this ridiculously powerful god for once.

“A bit of simple misdirection,” said Loki quite airily. “An essential skill for a magician, you’ll find.”

“We should be encountering more guards.”

“Yes, well. You can thank my illusions for that again.”

Steve wondered what exactly the guards in the other areas were dealing with. But right in this instant, he wasn’t going to complain.

They arrived at a door that looked like it led out, far closer than the arduous route Steve had taken. Must have had more guards, though. Ones Loki had apparently already dealt with.

Or not.

Loki opened the door to be greeted by an armed guard. This time, Steve got there first, turning and kicking him in the chest so that he flew back several feet. Loki gave him a vaguely impressed look before following the guard and did that hand-to-forehead thing again until the guard lay still.

He proceeded to look around carefully before breaking out in a brisk jog that Steve followed without too much difficulty, until they were what Loki must have thought of as a safe distance.

“I’m out,” said Steve quietly.

“Where are you?”

“Coming to your location. Soon. Call off Wanda.”

“After having a chat with Loki, I assume.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a moment,” muttered Steve. Maybe he _should_ call for reinforcements now, but starting a fight with Loki didn’t seem a smart idea just now. Better try to figure out what was going on while he was in a relatively non-murderous mood.

Still, approaching Loki, who was standing in a slight slump as he leaned against a fence, it was quite hard to resist the urge to not attack him, as was still his first instinct. No longer having to worry about mercenaries and any Asgardian weapons they may have had, it was difficult to think of him as anything but an enemy, an enemy of the very worst kind.

“I’d advise you not to try,” said Loki casually, not even bothering to look in Steve’s direction. How did he even…

“What are you doing here?” asked Steve, folding his arms and trying to look calm and non-threatening. “Why would you care who has Asgardian weapons?”

“Just a little clean-up.” He sighed and straightened up. “Nothing you have to worry yourself with.”

“Nothing I have to - You tried to invade Earth the last time you were here!”

“That’s not technically true.”

It took Steve a moment to get what he was saying, at which point a chill ran down his spine. “You’ve been here before since New York?”

Loki shrugged.

“Does Thor know you’re alive?”

Again, that sly grin. “What Thor doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.”

“Could hurt the rest of us plenty.”

“Have I _hurt_ you tonight?”

Steve grimaced, not able to argue with that. “Why were those weapons there in the first place?”

“Bit of an unintended side-effect of the increased interactions between Asgard and Midgard. Always someone who wants to take advantage, isn’t there? This time it was arms dealing, next time it could be something quite different.”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “Did they have those weapons because of you?”

“Your suspicion wounds me,” said Loki dryly. “As it happens, this wasn’t my doing. Still, it seemed my place to intervene.”

“And why’s that?”

“None of your business,” he said, once again all haughty and dismissive. “You should be more grateful. I took care of your little problem, after all. And I saved your life, soldier boy. Don’t forget it.”

“Why did you?”

Loki cocked his head to one side as he stared at Steve with an unsettling intensity. “Maybe I like the idea of Midgard’s greatest hero owing me his life.”

Steve grimaced. “I’m not the greatest hero. I’m not much of a hero at all.”

“Hmm. Things _have_ changed, haven’t they? But not that much, I don’t think.”

“How would you know?” he asked, bristling at the presumptuousness of this jerk.

“I know a great deal of things…” Loki continued contemplating him, his gaze sending a shiver through Steve. After a few silent moments, he seemed to make up his mind about something. “You’d better run off back to your little friends. You know you don’t stand a chance against me, so perhaps we could skip any more posturing?”

This was such a completely _not_ Loki sentiment that it blindsided Steve on every level. “You’re… just going to let me go?”

“As opposed to what?”

A beat. “Fine, then. I’ll go now. But… Just don’t hurt anyone before you leave Earth again.”

“Or what?” He rolled his eyes as Steve tensed. “Calm yourself, I won’t do anything.” A grin, not the leer of his nightmares but a small one that spoke of mischief more than danger. “The beard looks good on you, Captain.”

And with that, he just… left. Steve didn’t try to stop him. Maybe he should have, but Loki did have a point about him not standing much of a chance. Anything else Steve would have said or done would have just been… posturing. As Loki had said.

* * *

 “Wanda will meet us back at the safe house,” said Natasha in greeting. “Unless Loki is still around?”

“No, he isn’t,” said Steve with more certainty then he felt.

“Let’s get away from here,” she said.

They met with Sam and started making their way back, while Steve told them quietly what had transpired inside.

“Shit,” muttered Sam once he had finished.

Steve nodded in agreement.

“Isn’t he meant to be… y’know, dead?”

Natasha folded her arms, looking tense. “That’s what Thor said.”

“Loki said something about… what Thor doesn’t know won’t hurt him or something like that,” said Steve.

“This is great,” said Sam. “Just great.” He frowned. “If he shows up again, maybe we could capture him.”

“And then what?’ asked Steve.

Sam shrugged. “Bundle him up, deliver him to the authorities. Something like that.”

“Kinda doubt I’ll see him again,” said Steve.

“You’re probably right,” said Natasha. “But it doesn’t hurt to be alert.”

“And there’s not any guarantee we could take him.”

“You have before,” said Sam.

“Yeah… But we had Thor. And Bruce. And the others. Not feeling too great about taking him on in close combat, frankly.”

“Dunno. Maybe Wanda could take him.”

“Yeah… But I’d prefer not to try.” He frowned and stared off into the distance. “He did save my life.”

Natasha groaned. “Please don’t get all sentimental on me, Steve. Remember all the people he killed. Remember Coulson. And Clint.”

“Why would he do that, though?” asked Sam. “Save your life, I mean.” He turned to Natasha. “You interrogated the guy, right? Any ideas?”

Natasha shrugged. “It’s like he said. The idea of Captain America owing him his life might have appealed to his vanity.”

“It was a pretty split-second thing though,” said Steve, remembering.

“Instinct, then.”

“See, what you’ve told me about Loki, I really wouldn’t have thought it’d be his instinct to save people,” said Sam.

“People do weird things. Sometimes there isn’t really an explanation.”

This failed to satisfy Steve, but it wasn’t like he could think of anything more compelling.

“He probably won’t turn up again,” said Natasha, before extending a comforting hand to clasp at Steve’s forearm. “Don’t stress about it, all right? We have enough other stuff to deal with.”

Little chance of that.

* * *

He realised he was being followed.

It was dark already and he was walking back to their safe house, hands deep in pockets and head down in a posture he had become all to familiar with. It was odd how much more comfortable darkness now made him feel. A convenient cloak of shadows.

Sadly, darkness did not serve that function only to him. Whoever was following him was certainly stealthy, hanging back and barely making a noise. But Steve had grown a lot more observant.

He let it go on for a little bit as he made a detour away from the safe house.

But when his follower made no attempt either to apprehend him or to leave him alone, Steve eventually decided to take action.

A particularly dark and tight alleyway provided an excellent opportunity. It had stairs for a fire escape that he clambered up from the side with two easy leaps so that he perched on a platform, well hidden yet in a position to attack easily.

Just a moment later, a woman with waist-length swishing black hair and a certain toughness about her peered into the alleyway. She turned her head, clearly looking for him in the gloom. Steve, poised carefully on the railing of the platform, waited for her to pass him and let himself swing down and land lightly behind her.

“Who are you?”

The women wheeled around to face Steve. When she saw his face, a grin appeared on her face that was all too familiar. “Oh, Captain. We have to stop meeting like this.”

“Loki?”

With a flicker of green, the woman shifted into a more familiar shape and Steve couldn’t stop a small groan from leaving his mouth. This seemed to please the Asgardian, this time dressed in a suit not armour, whose grin grew just a little wider.

“Pleased to see me?”

“No.”

“Shame.”

“Get out with what you want, and quickly.”

“Why do I have to _want_ anything?”

“I don’t know, you seemed to want the world once upon a time. Now you’re reduced to skulking around in alleyways. Not much of a god, eh?”

This taunt completely failed to provoke Loki. That was the thing, though - the Loki Steve remembered had always been out to prove _something_ , seeming desperate to flaunt his power and general superiority. Yet the man who stood in front of him appeared at ease with himself and it was really, really irritating.

“Such insults are beneath you.”

“Clearly not.”

Loki’s eyes glittered as he treated the response with evident amusement.

Steve suddenly wondered whether Loki might be here to kill him. Wouldn’t it make sense to do so, considering that Steve knew that he was still alive and would tell Thor the next time he saw him? But surely he would have done so already, especially considering he had given Steve ample time to tell his friends all about this revelation.

“If you don’t want something, I’m going to go now,” said Steve, determined to not be afraid.

“Bad mood?”

“Just in no mood to chat with you.”

“Isn’t Captain America meant to be good and gracious even to his vanquished foes?”

“Yeah, well, if you want that guy, go to a museum.”

The answer seemed to please Loki, which very much did not please Steve.

He sighed. “Why are you here?”

“Curiosity.”

“ _About what_?”

“Hmm… I suppose your reaction to my presence surprised me. You struck me a changed man, Captain.”

“You’re not wrong,” muttered Steve. “But still, I’m just some stupid human, right? Didn’t get the impression you wanted to chat with any of us. Unless this is your way of lording the fact that you saved my life over me.”

“Or perhaps I am here to correct that mistake.”

Steve snorted, not ready to be cowed by this prick. “Take your best shot. I’m certainly not going to beg you to spare me.”

Loki grinned. “When did you become this much _fun_?”

“I’m always fun, just not to bullies like you.” He turned away and started walking, which was probably pretty stupid but he also really didn’t care. After a moment, he heard a soft pattering of footsteps behind him.

“No less brave, I see,” said Loki, sliding back into view with his stupidly long legs. He had his hands in his pockets and looked quite at ease, all that black hair falling loosely around his angular face. “You know, I would have thought you’d put more effort into keeping me in a good mood, considering we are awfully close to a whole lot of awfully vulnerable people.”

“Fuck off.”

“Such rudeness,” said Loki, _still_ not sounding bothered. What, had this guy taken up meditation or something? Where were all the snarls and the shouting and the general insanity? How was this Loki even _more_ annoying?

“Why would I be polite to you?”

“Seems the least you could do, after I saved your life.”

“Yeah, you did. But you’ve also taken countless others. So don’t expect to get a damn medal.”

“As if I’d want one,” said Loki scornfully. “So I’m a killer. That makes me exactly like your friend. What was her moniker again? Ah yes, the Black Widow. Maybe she would be more amenable to a conversation, hmm?”

Steve lost his temper. He spun around and pushed Loki with considerable force. The kind that would have sent another man flying but succeeded only in making Loki stumble back. He turned back and stomped away but Loki caught up with him almost immediately, cutting him off and grabbing his neck. The Asgardian raised him into the air with insulting ease and clawed his fingers into his neck with that familiar snarl on his face. Wasn’t he ever glad to see _that_ again.

Steve grasped at his hands, trying to loosen them without much success while flailing out, kicking Loki with all his strength. But Loki was wearing his armour now and it didn’t look like Steve’s kicks were much more than mild irritations. After a few moments, he flung him to the ground. Steve managed to get his hands up just in time to prevent crashing into concrete with his face. Still, it was a hard impact and he struggled to breathe for a moment. When he did, he barely suppressed a coughing fit at the smell from the bag of garbage lying less than a foot from his head.

“That was foolish,” came the voice from above him. Even as Steve tried to get back, he felt a pressure on his back. He realised that Loki had placed his knee on his back, pressing hard into his spine as he leant down to whisper into Steve’s ear, the breath tickling slightly as his hair brushed against the back of his neck. “Don’t _ever_ do something like that again.”

Then the weight was removed from Steve’s back. When he successfully got to his feet, he turned around to see that Loki had disappeared.

* * *

“Oh, Steve,” said Natasha with considerable exasperation after he had told her and Sam what had happened.

“What?”

“That was very sweet of you, but… You put yourself in an awful lot of danger by pushing him.”

“He was being a jerk!” Steve rubbed his back where Loki had dug in his knee. It was still way too sore for his liking. That guy was _strong_.

“You don’t have to protect my honour, or whatever. I’d prefer it if you were level-headed enough to not get yourself killed.”

“This wasn’t - That -“ Steve struggled to defend himself, Natasha’s sympathetic look somehow making it _worse_.

“Okay, said Sam, “but putting aside Steve’s inability to refrain from picking a fight” - Steve bit down the urge to snap at him and prove his point - “this is getting really weird.”

“You telling me?” Steve ran a hand through his hair, fighting the weariness that had become a constant of his existence.

“What do you think he wants?”

“Like I said, I don’t know. Maybe he just enjoys annoying me.”

“You are kind of making it easy for him,” said Sam.

Steve glared at him.

“Maybe we should have Wanda watch your back, once she gets back,” said Natasha.

It sounded like a good idea. After all, if any of them could take on Loki it was definitely Wanda, whose powers none of them knew the limit of yet. Of course, the same was true of Loki. And that was the problem. “Do we really want to provoke a fight between her and Loki?” asked Steve. “At the moment, Loki’s… Well, he’s not tried anything yet.”

“He tried to invade Earth,” said Natasha.

“Yeah, don’t really think this guy gets the benefit of the doubt,” added Sam.

“That’s not what I meant,” said Steve. “It’s just… We don’t know quite how powerful Loki is. What if Wanda ends up getting hurt? She’s still a -“

“She’s not a child,” said Natasha, jumping in quickly before pausing. “But you do have a point.”

“We need to move again anyway,” said Sam. “Maybe we’ll lose him.”

Both Steve and Natasha looked at him dubiously. Considering their luck, Loki probably had some stupid tracking magic or whatever. Things were never simple around them.

* * *

A month passed and Steve began to wonder whether they really had lost Loki. They had moved to Amsterdam, tracking down a remnant of a HYDRA cell as they did from time to time. Having closed in on their base, it would be a simple enough matter to deliver them to the authorities. An easy mission: infiltrate the base, secure the weapons, apprehend the remaining operatives, call the authorities.

That is, until he saw the flash of a red suit. Brilliant. They’d manage to run headlong into Tony.

Why was he even here? Must be a serious stock of weapons for him to put the suit back on. Or… was he there for them? No, Tony’s efforts to track them down had been decidedly lackluster. Most of the time, he seemed to be just going through the motions for the State Department.

He muttered into his earpiece. “Tony’s here. He can handle himself this but we need to get out. _Now_.”

A moment’s pause before a small chorus of _Copy that_ ’s came through the earpiece.

Now he just had to get out of here.

He almost made it without any trouble. Almost.

“Another mission?”

Steve spun around to see a certain irritating alien leaning against a wall, hands in pockets. He forced his face to not betray the flurry of more immediate reactions that came to him, instead focusing on his primary concern.

“Are you going to hinder me getting out of here?”

Loki seemed to consider this, but just for a moment. “No,” he said, straightening in an insultingly casual way. “In fact, my help will allow you to leave without any trouble.”

This might be true, but Steve was hardly about to thank him as he again focused on just getting the hell away from there. He got past the exit door without any problems so perhaps the god hadn’t been entirely insincere. Still…

 _Just my luck. Of course it_ had _to be me this jerk decides to get obsessed with_ , he thought with an unusual amount of bitterness.

He jogged until he was in the tree line, still pointedly ignoring Loki.

But when he turned around, he saw that the god was right behind him. He ground his teeth together.

“Are you stalking me?”

Loki raised his eyebrows but didn’t answer.

“Brilliant. This is just brilliant,” muttered Steve. “Okay. _Why_ are you following me around? And don’t tell me you’re curious or whatever, this isn’t curiosity -”

“Because it’s fun,” said Loki simply.

Steve felt the urge to punch him but he remembered the last time he had attacked the god. Better avoid a repeat. At least he wasn’t demanding any thanks for ‘helping’ Steve.

“So you want to irritate me? Why?”

“Not irritate. Just… talk. You entertain me.”

This couldn’t be happening. “You’re a murderer. I don’t want to chat with you. And I _certainly_ don’t want to entertain you.”

“Are you telling me you’ve never killed before, soldier boy?”

“That’s different.”

“Hmm. Let me guess, you were killing the _right_ people.”

“That, and also the fact that I’m less prone to mass murder.”

Loki snorted. “For someone with such a strident moral code, it can seem awfully lax at times.”

Steve was _so_ tired of this. He just did not have the energy to deal with this guy’s bullshit. There was so much _other_ bullshit for him to deal with and frankly the feeling that this guy had come back from the grave seemingly specifically to irritate him was just… infuriating.

“You don’t know anything about my moral code.”

The Asgardian slid his tongue over his teeth, watching him with open amusement. He was all edges, prodding Steve repeatedly just to get a rise. What a fun game this must be to him. And Steve was the perfect target.

“I need to get away from here,” said Steve. “Now. So if for once you could just leave me be…”

“Running from your former friend Stark, are you?”

“Meeting up with my friends, actually. Unless you want to chat with all of them…”

“Tempting. On the whole, though, I think not. Goodbye, Captain. For now.”

Definitely ominous.

* * *

“We have to seriously consider our options,” said Natasha. “Whatever reason he’s latched on to you for, he’s clearly not going away.”

“It’s so weird,” said Steve. “This is the same guy who tried to take over the world, right? What’s he doing chasing after me?”

“I think it makes sense,” said Sam, earning him a surprised look from the other two. “Look, Steve, you’re the leader of the Avengers, or you were, anyway. The team that took him down, right?”

“But then, if he’s after revenge… Why save my life?”

“We don’t know what’s happened to him these last few years. But if he’s going to end up fascinated with any human, makes sense it’s you.”

“There’s another thing,” said Natasha. She was frowning, staring out of the window at the darkness outside. “I’ve been thinking… Ever since Sokovia, we’ve known that these ‘infinity stones’ have been showing up strangely often.”

“These -“ started Sam. “Wait, this is the weird shit with the magic stones?”

“Yeah,” said Steve. “The Tesseract, the one in the sceptre -“

“- the one in London, and a fourth one Thor mentioned, plus two other unknown ones,” said Natasha, finishing the small list they had gone over so very often. “Now the Tesseract was on Earth for a while, but things really started to heat up when Loki arrived.”

“Understatement,” muttered Sam.

“Thor said he was going to try and figure out who is behind all this. But he’s not here, is he? And Loki is.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going where I think you’re going with this,” said Steve.

“Depends. Do you think I want you to get answers from Loki?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, I’m sorry. Because that’s exactly what I want.”

Steve groaned.

So, he’d just saunter up to Loki and ask a few questions? Great. That’d go just great. _Hey, Loki, you remember when you were invading Earth_? _That was wild, huh? So, about those stones you were using…_

Ugh.

* * *

They had to move again before Loki had the chance to seek him out. Tony might not be chasing after them but the authorities certainly were. And getting far too close in the process.

“I have a safe house in Budapest,” said Natasha.

“Anyone else know about it?” asked Sam.

“Just Clint. And Hill.”

“Hill?” asked Steve. “She works for Stark…”

“She wouldn’t say anything to him,” said Natasha with a surprising amount of confidence.

“Budapest it is, then.”

“Good thing is, that house has got a handy supply of photostatic veils.” At the confused looks of the other two, she sighed. “The thing I used to hide myself on the Triskelion, remember?”

“Oh yeah!” said Sam enthusiastically. “No more costumes after this time, baby!”

Steve groaned. “Do we have to do costumes again?”

“Unless you want to sit in a nice secure Pentagon facility,” said Natasha.

At this moment Wanda wandered in.

“Pack your stuff,” said Natasha. “We’re leaving.”

“Already?” asked Wanda, looking deeply unhappy.

“We have to. Stark got way too close,” said Sam.

“About that,” said Natasha. “You’re boyfriend didn’t feel the need to tip us off?”

Wanda looked away. “No.”

“You can’t expect him to go behind Tony’s back,” said Steve, feeling a little bad for her.

“Yeah, I can, actually,” said Natasha. “I get that a relationship across enemy lines is tough, but there’s a difference in stakes here. If we’re ahead of them, they’ll get a talking to from the State Department at worst. If they’re ahead of us, we get locked up. At best.”

“It’s not enemy lines,” Steve protested.

Natasha gave him a somewhat scathing look. Before she could respond, Sam cut in.

“This isn’t even about that. Stark hasn’t made any real attempt at catching us. To be honest, he might have just run into us by accident. Which means that if we had any way of avoiding that, it’d be helpful.”

His reasonable tone was enough to elicit a nod from Wanda.

“Either way,” said Natasha, “we’ll need to go under for a while. That means no contact with Vision for the next while.”

Wanda looked like she was about to argue, then decided against it. “Fine, but I hope your disguise includes a really stupid wig.”

“Done.”

* * *

There weren’t many people who could pull off a wig in that particular shade of poisonous green, but Natasha managed without too much trouble. She examined herself critically in the mirror, sporting a colourful dress and ridiculous heels before adding oversized sunglasses to complete the ensemble.

“They really taught you to be inconspicuous at spy school, didn’t they,” said Sam, regarding her with folded arms.

“Gotta keep people guessing,” she said as she added lipstick that matched the hair before throwing a really stupid sun hat at Steve. “Put this on.”

“No way.”

“Come on, Steve, put it on,” said Sam with a little too much glee.

“It’s winter.”

“Keep ‘em guessing,” said Natasha. “Just do it.”

Steve scowled and put it on. He could hear Wanda giggle.

“Think that’d look good with a nice tartan shirt,” said Sam.

“Shut up, Sam.”

* * *

It was odd. This little break from Loki didn’t free his mind - instead he felt his thoughts wander ever more often to the Asgardian, wondering about how he was occupying himself and when he would pop up next. His face would swim unbidden into his mind’s eye, all sharp cheekbones and thin lips and hair swishing all about him. And then he would regain control over his stupid brain and wonder what the hell he was doing.

They got on the night bus taking them the last stretch of the way as Natasha talked to them about their new home.

“The house is nice. Quite a bit bigger than we’d usually have, also in a nice location in Pest.”

“I’ve never been before,” said Sam. “Can we go sight seeing?” He laughed at Natasha’s eye roll.

When they arrived just before dawn, they knew they had to move quickly. Still, Natasha was in an unmistakably good mood.

“I love Budapest,” she said happily.

“Really?” said Sam, glancing over to Steve.

“I can love places, Wilson,” she said. “I have a lot of fond memories of this city.” She grinned at Steve, perhaps in response to his preoccupied expression. “Forget Loki, the pastries here are the real magic. Those chocolate rolls melt in your mouth, you’ll see.”

* * *

And it _was_ a nice house. And it _was_ way bigger than what they had gotten used to. Two floors, each with their own bedroom, a spacious kitchen, a small garden… Luxurious, almost.

In the end, it was Steve who volunteered to scout out the neighbourhood. Make sure that there wasn’t anything obviously wrong before they made themselves too comfortable. Usually Natasha, the only one of them with proper experience as a spy, would do that bit, but she really deserved a rest. So he took the chance to clear his head.

Well, little chance of that apparently.

He turned into a smaller side street and saw Loki waiting quite nonchalantly for him to approach.

Steve did so and gave him a tired look even as his mind rolled into action, trying to figure out how to do what he had to without… well, dying. That wouldn’t be great,

“You again,” he said.

Loki’s mouth quirked. “You sound like you’re not glad to see me.”

“Imagine that,” muttered Steve, which seemed to amuse Loki. Was that good? Probably. “For someone who hates Earth so much, you sure do visit a lot.”

“I never said I _hate_ this dreary little realm of yours. I wanted to rule it. There’s a difference.”

“Right,” said Steve, making sure to keep his temper in check. “Must be fun, ruling a ‘dreary little realm’.”

“Must be. I’m sure you remember I never got the chance.”

“Despite having two really powerful weapons. Bummer, isn’t it?”

Steve couldn’t read Loki’s expression at all. “Two powerful weapons?”

“Yeah. The Tesseract and the sceptre. They pack quite the punch, from what I’ve heard.”

“You’re trying to interrogate me.”

It wasn’t a question. Steve’s heart missed a beat.

“No, I’m not.” Could he _possibly_ be any more obvious? He could actually hear Natasha groan.

“And now you’re lying.”

Loki moved up to him at a frightening speed, shoving him against the nearest wall, and suddenly he was very close. Steve could feel his skin tingle as Loki breathed rapidly against him. Was this how going to be how he died? Maybe he should fight back, but that seemed a surefire way to escalate an already tense situation.

“My patience isn’t unlimited,” said Loki in a low mutter. “You want to know more about the infinity stones. I know that you know what they are.”

Steve tried to not let even a hint of fear enter his face as he stared Loki down. “Okay. Yeah, I do want to know more about them.”

“At least be honest about it,” said Loki with more anger than he had demonstrated in any of their recent encounters, even when Steve had attacked him. “The subterfuge doesn’t suit you. For one thing, you’re terrible at it.”

Steve’s face scrunched up in indignation and for some reason this made Loki’s anger fade away quickly as he instead regarded Steve with some amusement, still way too close for his comfort.

“There’s the open book I’m used to,” he said and before Steve could retort he reached out and touched a strand of Steve’s hair, running his nimble fingers over it before letting go and backing off. The motion shocked Steve so much that he remained frozen for too long before he finally straightened.

Loki had turned in the other direction like he too needed to collect himself, but now he looked back at Steve with a neutral expression.

“Even if I wanted to tell you, I’m not sure I could.”

“Why not?”

Was that fear that flickered through Loki’s eyes? It was gone quickly, but…

“How about this?” murmured Loki, his face blank again. “I’ll try to tell you information you might find… useful. You amuse me enough to make it worth my time, as long as you don’t try your stupid deceptions. But not here, not now.”

“Then where?”

A beat.

“The New York Café.”

This guy… “The New York Café? Seriously?” How did he even know about it?

“Unless you prefer to continue meeting like this…” Loki gestured at their gloomy surroundings. And okay, it wasn’t like this was creeping him out or anything but it’d be a lot easier to try to figure out what the guy was thinking if he could actually see his face.

“I don’t generally frequent cafés in broad daylight these days,” said Steve. “And certainly not tourist magnets.”

“Being me has its advantages,” said Loki simply. “We can meet in a less public location, then I can conceal your appearance - and indeed mine - to the rest of the world.” He plucked out a piece of paper and a pen from thin air - how did that work? - and wrote something on it. “You could meet me at this time and place. If that is convenient to you?”

Steve took the paper and looked at the scrawled writing, trying to buy himself some time. This wasn’t what he had expected at all. And it was probably a terrible idea. But the allure of answers, actual answers to all the half-baked questions that had been floating around in his head for years…

“I”m guessing you don’t have money either?” muttered Steve. Sam would kill him for this. Loki didn’t answer. “Fine. That works.”

“Excellent. Oh, and don’t bother trying anything,” said Loki lightly.

“Same goes to you. You’re choosing the location, after all.”

A thin smile. “My dear Captain, if I wanted to do anything to you, do you really think I could not have already done so?”

Well, that was an unnerving thought. And probably true, which made it worse.

* * *

“Ooh, a date!” said Wanda.

“It’s not a date,” said Steve in useless protest.

“No, it’s an interrogation,” said Natasha, all business.

“Definitely a date,” said Sam, grinning at Wanda.

Steve pinched his nose. “It’s not a date and it’s also not an interrogation. It’s just two people getting a coffee, talking about possible world-ending threats.”

“Ooh, coffee!”

“I’m warning you, Maximoff -“

“Sam, help! He’s scolding me!”

“Can’t believe you’re scolding Wanda when you have to prepare for your big date,” said Sam.

“For the last time… Nat, could you please tell them -“

“It’s coffee,” said Natasha, pursing her lips. “I don’t know, Steve, sounds like a classic first date.”

Steve groaned.

Sam clapped him on the shoulder. “All right, enough joking. We have to discuss the important questions now.” Steve nodded in agreement before Sam went on. “Most importantly, what are you going to wear?”

“No, wait,” said Wanda, ignoring Steve’s protestations. “We need to know where he’s going first.”

“Eh…” He sighed as they all stared at him. “The New York Café.”

Sam laughed just as Natasha’s eyebrows shot up.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” she said.

“He chose a café named after the city he half-destroyed,” said Sam. “I almost admire the sheer nerve of it.”

Steve hadn’t even thought of that. _Why_ was he being so slow?

“I didn’t even mean _that_ ,” said Natasha. “It’s hard to imagine somewhere more exposed.”

“Loki is using one of his… illusion things. To disguise us.”

“He’s using his magic for you,” said Sam before turning to Wanda. “Is that like third base for the magic community?”

“I’m pretty sure it is,” said Wanda.

“It’s also stupid,” said Natasha. “You know how easy it would be for him to just lift that illusion? You know how much trouble that could be?”

All right, he hadn’t thought of that, but… “If he wanted to hurt me, he could have done so already. And in way worse ways than exposing me in a café.”

“Not if he’s with you,” said Natasha. The others stared at her, not quite grasping her meaning. “Come on, Steve. Imagine what a scandal it would be, Captain America drinking a coffee with the destroyer of New York. It would ruin your reputation, permanently.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a tad paranoid, Nat?” asked Sam in a conversational tone.

“I’m also alive,” said Natasha. “Because I’m careful. Something you should all learn.”

“If he really wanted to do that, he could do it anyway,” said Steve. “If he can make me look like someone else, he’d be able to make someone else look like me, right?”

Sam looked impressed. “He’s quite smart sometimes, isn’t he?” he said to Natasha.

Natasha ignored him. “That’s a good point,” she conceded. “But it only serves as a reminder of just how dangerous he is. What if he loses his temper? It’s hard to imagine choosing a place with a higher concentration of civilians.”

“I didn’t choose it.”

“Somehow, that fails to make me feel more comfortable with this.”

“Wait up,” said Sam. “Does he have human money?”

Steve shook his head.

“So he sought out the most expensive place in the damn city and letting you pick up the bill?” He whistled. “Classy.”

“He’s doing it on purpose,” said Natasha. “Letting you pay while you’re talking, it shows that he won’t give you information for free.”

Steve stared at her. “Can’t you do this instead of me? I feel like you actually understand him, but I…”

Natasha smirked. “He’s not interested in me though, is he?”

“That’s all very well and good,” said Sam, “but we are being clear that we’re using our extremely limited resources to treat a prince, right?”

“It’s so fancy,” said Wanda. “That makes it even more romantic.”

“This _isn’t_ a date.”

“Maybe we should have eyes on location,” said Natasha.

“That’d destroy the romance all right,” muttered Sam.

“You really think he wouldn’t notice?” asked Steve. “He did say something about me not trying anything…”

“Ominous,” said Sam.

“Would we even recognise them?” asked Wanda. “Unless you want to spy on them from literally the point they meet up…”

“You don’t think you could see through his illusions?”

Wanda shrugged. “Is what I do really magic? It’s definitely completely different to his stuff. Don’t see why I’d have some kind of illusion immunity.”

“Certainly can’t be relied on,” said Natasha. “All right, then. Surveillance is exactly the thing that might end up provoking him. But I still want you nearby, Wanda, ready to be called in. Especially since he won’t recognise -“

“He seems pretty on top of Earth news,” interjected Steve. “So he might very well recognise her.”

“This gets better and better,” said Sam.

“She’ll wear one of the photostatic veils, then,” said Natasha. “It’s important enough to justify expending one. Just as a precaution.”

“Fine,” said Wanda. “Now, let’s talk about the important things.”

“Yeah,” said Sam. “What’s Steve going to wear?”

* * *

Loki had dressed up, of course, in a dark suit that was really rather tight. Steve’s gaze took in his entire languid physique, slender yet so unmistakably powerful. He realised Loki was watching him and turned away before he blushed. This was ridiculous. His friends and their stupid talk of ‘dates’ had gotten to him.

“The illusion will stop either of us from looking like ourselves, both to the people around us and any watching cameras,” said Loki. “I imagine it could be quite the relief to walk around in the open without worry, hmm?”

Steve didn’t answer and instead followed him, while thinking how ridiculous it was that Loki would think he would _ever_ not be worried with him around. They made the fairly short trip in silence before stopping before the imposing luxury of the café.

This was all so weird.

Steve suppressed a sigh as he entered. He could see why Loki had chosen it - everything about it was grand and ostentatious and way too much. The columns, the heavily ornamental coffered ceiling, the mix of gold and marble and dark red chairs and intricate railings and fancy tables… It might as well be another world.

When they got a table, Steve could not quite stop himself from glancing around a little nervously. It was all so very public, but the gazes of the other visitors flitted over them as if they were not even there - or rather, as if they were completely ordinary. If only they knew…

“I’ll order,” said Loki smoothly. “What would you like?”

Steve looked at the menu and quickly realised this was less of a café and more of a restaurant. A really expensive one. This was quite the nightmare - he had no clue what to order.

Then he clamped down on the anxiety with determination. He was paying, he was with a git of an alien who he had to get answers from and frankly he didn’t care what he or anyone else thought of his choice. But he also wasn’t about to eat a big meal with this guy. Coffee and cake, that was fine. Nothing more.

“I’ll take a coffee and a New York cake,” said Steve, resisting the urge to add a ‘please’.

He looked up to see Loki watching him, his tongue flickering over his thin lips. “Feeling homesick, are we?”

Steve scowled. “You chose the café.”

“Good point.”

When the waiter arrived, Loki spoke to him in what sounded to Steve like perfect Hungarian. How unfair was that? He wondered what the Asgardian had ordered, but then got his mind to focus again on the reason he had agreed to this farce.

“So. The infinity stones.”

Loki shook his head. “I get to ask questions first.”

“What?” exclaimed Steve in outrage. “That wasn’t our agreement!”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “What, you thought you could have the pleasure of my company _as well as_ asking me all your little questions? What do I get out of it?”

Steve regarded the pompous jerk with incredulity. He thought of all the money he was spending on this stupid coffee that could be put to so much better use. But he also knew that he would have to play along, just a little, if he was going to get what he wanted. “Fine,” he said in a tired grumble. “What could you possibly want to know from me?”

Loki looked delighted. “Where to start?” he started, before answering his own question _way_ too quickly. “Oh, I know: your life before the war.”

“My life… What?”

“Yes, Captain, your life. Tell me what it was like, before you had that strength that raises you above your fellow mortals. Tell me about your family, your friends, any childhood sweethearts… Tell me about the games you used to play, the adventures you used to have.”

“Okay, first off - the serum does _not_ raise me above my fellow… humans. Second off, why the hell do you want to know that?”

“Is it so strange to want to know more about the great Captain America’s early days?”

“For you, yeah. Pretty strange.”

The coffee and cake came and the conversation paused until the waiter moved on. Steve looked at what Loki had ordered - something which looked a lot like normal apple pie. A part of him was relieved Loki hadn’t just ordered the most expensive thing on the menu.

“Can’t I just be curious?”

“You’re asking me really personal questions. At least give me a good reason for why you want to know.”

Loki took his spoon delicately and added an awful lot of sugar to his coffee. So he had a sweet tooth - who would have guessed?

“I suppose I’m _curious_ as to why a young man with considerable physical deficiencies would be so desperate to fight in a war he didn’t have to fight in.” Loki looked at him askance as he stirred his coffee. “With other men, I would suspect bloodlust, or perhaps the thrill of the battle… But you have that whole hero thing going on, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t,” said Steve irritably. “I just wanted to fight because it was the right thing to do.”

“To spill blood for your country?” He licked at his spoon, tongue flickering out to do so as he waited for Steve’s reply.

“It wasn’t about that.” Steve took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t like bullies. I just don’t. And the people we were fighting against, they were bullies on a global scale.”

“So you wanted to teach them a lesson.”

“That’s not - I wanted to stop them. I wanted to help.”

“Surely there must have been other ways you could have helped.” A light smile at Steve’s confusion. “You did have medics, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but they train for years. I didn’t have that kind of time.”

“Why not? It’s not like it was your last chance. There’s always another war just around the corner.”

“Yeah, but…” Steve struggled to find the words even while wondering why the hell he should justify himself to this psycho. “You can only fight the war you’re currently in. And I happened to think that war was worth fighting in.”

“Because your enemies were bullies.”

“Right.”

“Hmm. This makes me all the more curious about your life before the war.”

“Why?”

“Well, such a strong aversion to bullies doesn’t come from nowhere, does it?”

Steve stared at him, watching him go to work at his apple pie. He couldn’t honestly say he had ever given it much thought before. “It’s how I was raised.”

“Quite. And you still fight the bullies, even now.” Loki sipped at his coffee, eyes on Steve the entire time. “Tell me, did you ever have anyone to protect you from your bullies?”

Bucky’s face flashed immediately in his mind, but he was _not_ discussing him with Loki. Yet he got the sense Loki would be able to tell if he were lying, or being cagey… “Yeah,” he said. “I had friends who helped me. My parents, while they were still alive. We might not have had much, but we looked out for each other.”

Luckily, this seemed to satisfy Loki.

“Okay, let’s talk about the stones,” said Steve after swallowing another mouthful of cake. It was good, he had to admit. But still, definitely overpriced.

A sigh. “You’re a hard man to distract, Captain.”

“I don’t want to be distracted.”

Loki regarded him in a regretful manner as he nibbled at his pie. “I’ve noticed.”

“What are they, exactly? Thor wasn’t too clear on that.”

“Well, he wouldn’t be,” said Loki, drumming his fingers on the table. “He never did pay much attention… They’re objects that were created at the very beginning of the universe. Each one represents a different… aspect of this universe, if you will.”

“Like the mind stone.”

“Exactly. Mind, space, reality, power, time, and soul,” he recited, counting them off on his fingers.

“But how does that work, exactly? The universe started and these stones just appeared?”

He smiled in a playful way. “The theory is fascinating but also a little beyond you, I’m afraid. For now… Let’s just say the universe is a complicated construct that can only exist if each of its aspects are balanced correctly. It’s this balance that led the universe to find a release mechanism, if you will. A way to contain each aspect in a single spot of the universe, as in turn determined by those aspects - space, time, and so on.”

Steve rubbed his temples and wished Tony or Bruce or… anyone who wasn’t him, really, could be here to do the metaphysical discourse in his stead. But he _needed_ to press on. He needed to understand. “So what you’re saying is… all of the stones have their own mind and soul and reality too?”

Loki’s smile widened. “Very good, Captain. Yes, you could put it that way, which is why some of the more mundane functions of the stones do replicate each other.”

“Like blasting energy at things.”

“Quite.”

“And you get taught this stuff on Asgard?”

“You can read about it, if you are thus inclined.” He sounded a little sniffy in a way that made Steve suspect Thor had never been particularly _inclined_ to do so.

“And what happens if you collect them?”

“That’s the question, isn’t it? Nobody has ever managed to do so, to the best of my knowledge. Possessing one is rare, any more is as good as unheard of. I haven’t done so bad with my two, hmm? But anyway, they’re incredibly destructive objects. Most are wise to make sure they stay far apart from each other.”

“Sure sounds smart,” muttered Steve. “Okay, but what if someone actually managed to collect all six of them?”

“Then their power over the very fabric of the universe would be as good as unlimited,” said Loki evenly, before bringing his hands together in a light clap. “That’s enough for today.”

“Seriously? Already?” He should have eaten that cake more slowly.

“Pace yourself, Captain,” said Loki, a smile flickering across his face. “The mysteries of the universe should be divulged with a little caution, wouldn’t you think?”

Steve had no idea what to answer to that, so he settled for just scowling. “Fine,” he said. Not that he had much choice. “But next time, I choose where to eat.” Yeah, that should serve to… what? At least slightly redress the power imbalance at play here. Or something. This was the kind of dynamic Natasha would go on about and he was pretty terrible at understanding.

Loki looked a tad surprised but did not argue. “And where would that be?”

Steve thought for a moment, then an idea came to him. “Raday utca. It’s not far from here, a place called Hoppácska.”

There was a pause and Steve thought for a moment that Loki would say no. But then the thin-faced alien shrugged. “Fine. In a week, then?”

“A week?” said Steve, not able to hide his disappointment. He wanted more answers, and fast.

“As pleasurable as my company no doubt is, I do have other duties to attend to,” said Loki with a sly smile.

“Duties?” asked Steve a little too quickly.

“None that concern you. Shall we say 2 o’clock, your time?” When Steve nodded, he stepped a little closer and that hint of menace clouded him again. “I should warn you that if you’re planning to ambush me, I will make sure to take several of your fellow mortals with me. Even if you succeed, I can’t imagine the loss of innocent life sits well with you.” He relaxed a little, threat made. “Though you have grown ever so tough, hmm?”

“There’s no need to be a jerk,” said Steve, anger rising in his voice. “I’ve treated you with far more courtesy than you deserve.”

“Probably.”

* * *

Sam was frowning. “He’s not exactly giving you much, is he?”

“Probably as much as we could have hoped for from a first meeting,” said Natasha.

“Most of what he told us we already know. Stones powerful, don’t collect. Yeah, no shit.”

“He’s opening up more,” said Steve, a little defensive of his efforts. “I get the sense that he hasn’t really had the chance to speak much with anyone. You know, honestly. So maybe we’ll find out stuff we didn’t know before, about the stones and… about him. And he is answering my questions. He just seems so different, now. Like he’s calmed down a bit since New York.”

Sam gave him an odd look. “Stark may have had a point about you,” he muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You have this… This… How would you say, Nat?”

“Nope,” said Natasha. “You figure this one out on your own.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“I have this what?” asked Steve, not liking one bit where this was going.

“This fixing people thing, I guess. Don’t give me that look - I’m not criticising you.”

“Loki isn’t Bucky.”

“I didn’t say he was.”

“Then how is that related?”

Sam closed his eyes for a moment, looking like he was very much regretting starting this conversation. Good. “It’s just who you are, Steve. You believe in people; you believe in the goodness inside them. You look at people with dark pasts and then you look beyond those pasts.”

“He does have a point,” said Natasha.

“Hey, thanks for helping out,” said Sam dryly.

“He has a point? Seriously?”

“He does. It’s not just Bucky, or Loki. It’s me. Working with me is one thing, but actually trusting me? Not a thing many people would do.”

“I trust you,” added Sam.

Natasha gave him a slightly withering look. “I’m thrilled.”

“And you wonder why you don’t have more friends,” muttered Sam.

“Actually I don’t -“

“Hey, hey, back up everyone,” said Steve, not in the mood to listen to them bickering. “How exactly did we get from you telling me to get answers from Loki to me having any sympathy for the guy?”

“I don’t know,” said Natasha cooly. “How did we get there?”

“We didn’t. I don’t - Look, I was just objectively saying that there’s some stuff we don’t know yet. And that he does seem really different.”

“Objectively so,” said Sam.

Steve glared at him.

“But you do clearly think of him differently now,” said Natasha. “Maybe it’s an inevitable result of you seeing more of him. That doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.”

“So what, just because I let my conversations with people influence my opinions of them? Do you think I’m doing this wrong?”

“No. That’s not what I think at all.” She took a deep breath. “All I’m saying is, try not to get compromised.”

* * *

After Loki had ordered, Steve had paid and they had been handed their food, they leant against the counter. Loki was dressed more casually in a loose-fitting dark sweater. Steve wondered how he even knew to navigate Earth fashion, considering that it had caused even Steve some difficulty post-ice. And he wasn’t even from another planet. Maybe that was just something other people understood instinctively. It looked a little out of place on Loki, but… good.

Before he started eating he eyed the staff, standing not far away from them in the small space. Loki noticed and shook his head.

“I’ve cast a spell. Our words would be unintelligible to them even if we shouted.”

Good to know. “That’s useful.”

“Isn’t it ever.”

They started to eat, the chimney burgers clearly as challenging to Loki as they were to any ordinary human. Steve watched with a little too much satisfaction as some of the sauce oozed out of the chimney bread and trickled down the Asgardian’s chin.

Loki glared at him as he wiped it off with a napkin. “I see why you chose this place.”

“They’re really tasty burgers,” said Steve in mock innocence.

“Very funny.”

A little while later, he felt sauce trickled down his own chin but before he could wipe it off, he felt a napkin gently dabbing at the spot. Looking up in surprise, he saw Loki intently removing the sauce, his long fingers so very close to his face. Then he withdrew the tissue and, when he saw Steve watching, raised his eyebrows.

“What was that for?” asked Steve.

“You had sauce in that rather lovely beard of yours.”

“I know, but -“

A shrug. “It was spoiling my view.” And just like that, he went back to navigating his food with that odd concentration of his, like nothing had happened.

They only talked once they were mostly finished with the burger. It probably hadn’t been smart to choose a food that required so much attention, Steve thought, but there wasn’t any help for it now. Let’s see how much Loki would be prepared to answer this time.

Steve turned to Loki, a little uncomfortable at just how close the Asgardian was standing to him.

“I need to know about who might want the stones.”

“Why would you think I would know anything about that?”

“Because -“ Another wave of frustration crashed into Steve - too early in the conversation - as he took a deep breath. “Because you had two of them, like you said. Surely you might know who’s interested.”

“A lot of people are. Didn’t you hear the bit about them controlling the very fabric of the universe?”

“But what would anyone need that much power _for_?”

A snort. “Just because the concept of craving absolute power is so foreign to you, Captain, doesn’t mean it is to the rest of the universe. Everything from vengeance to fanaticism to simple greed could serve as a motive.”

“Is it possible? That someone might actually get all six?”

Loki shrugged. “A few years ago, I probably would have said no. But quite a few have popped up these last few years, haven’t they? Including one that was buried for a very, very long time. That last fact in particular makes me suspect that if one wished to collect them all, as it were, the time to do so would be swiftly approaching.”

Steve shot him a suspicious look. “ _You’re_ not still after them, are you?”

Loki did not look angry, instead gave him a thin smile. “I was never much interested in them in the first place. They were primarily a means to an end, even though they can become… intoxicating.”

There was something about the way he said ‘intoxicating’ that caused an odd shiver to run through Steve but he pushed it away. “That wasn’t an answer.”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right. Fine. _No_ , I’m not after them and if I were I’d hardly be here chatting to you about it. Especially considering I could get my hands on at least three of them with incredible ease if I wished to do so.”

That really didn’t make Steve feel any better.

Loki grinned at him. “Does that satisfy you?”

“No.”

“Quite right too. Don’t make the mistake of trusting me, soldier boy. Do they teach you that in your armies, I wonder? Or is it all about loyalty, being a team, all that nonsense…”

“It isn’t nonsense.”

“Perhaps not. Your team did rather a good job of taking me down, didn’t it? But teams fall apart too. It’s interesting, isn’t it? You were prepared to sacrifice your team to save one individual. Must be quite a man for you to throw it all away.”

“That _isn’t_ what happened.”

“I must be mistaken, then.”

“I’m not here to discuss the Avengers.” He took a deep breath. “How the hell do you know so much anyway?”

“This might be a little hard for you to grasp but at some point in the last century your fellow mortals invented something called the Internet…”

Steve couldn’t believe it. Now even _Loki_ \- of all people - was mocking him for his unfamiliarity with modern technology. “I know what the Internet is,” he snapped. “Just didn’t think you had much time for our silly _mortal_ inventions.”

Loki grinned, way too pleased by how he had manage to provoke Steve. “Maybe I was a little hasty in dismissing your world’s accomplishments. Short lifespans to have their upsides. Death is one hell of a motivator…”

“You’d know,” Steve shot back, but to his frustration this only made Loki grin more broadly.

“As would you,” he said. “And your friend - what was his name? Barnes? Perhaps we should start a group.”

“Don’t talk about him.”

The words spilled out far harsher than Steve intended and he regretted it immediately as Loki scrutinised him.

“I see that your bond lives up to its reputation.”

Its _reputation_? “I’m serious. We’re not talking about him.”

“Sensitive subject?”

“Back off,” said Steve, his tone slipping into the steely. “I mean it.”

“What will you do if I don’t?”

“Leave.”

Loki contemplated the oblivious store workers. “Would you really?”

“More threats? How stunningly original of you.”

Loki’s eyes widened as a slightly incredulous smile spread across his face. “Well. You never disappoint, do you? Fine, I’ll back off. After all, I suppose I should be grateful that you’re ever so gracious to monsters.”

Steve bristled in response. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Ah, nothing. How very curious you are. I can see why Thor grew so fond of your little group.”

“Yeah? Don’t suppose you know where he’s at these days?”

“You’re meant to be his friends, you tell me.”

Steve resisted the urge to grind his teeth together, still on edge. “He said he’d be trying to figure out why so many infinity stones have shown up. Since then, we haven’t heard a word from him.”

“Well then, I imagine that will be what he’s doing. He’s always been rather slow. But it’s a little too tedious for me to constantly track his whereabouts.”

“You seriously expect me to believe you haven’t been keeping tabs on him?”

Loki looked almost peeved, pursing his lips before answering. “I don’t care where he is.”

Huh. He was lying, and in a way that suggested he very much _did_ care where Thor was and what he was up to, and not in a malevolent way either. It was enough to calm Steve down again because, really, who would have guessed? Certainly not Steve, when they had met all those years ago. He had imagined that any love between the brothers to be rather one-sided.

Loki regarded him with irritation, interrupting his thoughts. “Your expression has grown sentimental, Captain. I don’t even want to know what you think you’ve figured out. Just… don’t.”

“I think he’d like to know that you’re still alive.”

“He’d be thrilled, I’m sure,” muttered Loki, seeming to find some dark amusement in the thought. He straightened up, using his napkin to wipe away non-existent stains. “All this talk of Thor tires me. I think I’ll take my leave for now.” He left the store, forcing Steve to hurriedly follow to catch up with him.

“And when will I see you again?” asked Steve once they were back in the open, then winced. He sounded like a lovesick teenager, not a serious agent on a job.

“I’ll be in touch,” said Loki, stopping and smiling as his gaze trawled over Steve in a way that made his spine prickle. As Loki brushed past him, his hand touched Steve’s in a way that had to be deliberate. It was for less than a second but Steve froze. When he turned around, Loki had vanished.


	2. Chapter 2

“What am I doing?” moaned Steve. “Please, give me some advice… Anything.”

Natasha gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid there’s no exact guidelines for this sort of thing.”

“Has this ever happened to you before?”

“What, developing feelings for a target?”

Oh God. He really had… Oh shit. It was Loki, for heaven’s sake! But… He nodded miserably.

“It happens. Just out of curiosity, though… And please don’t take this the wrong way. I imagine opinions on bonding with those of the same gender were rather different when you grew up. I hope _that_ isn’t… distressing you.”

He frowned a little. “I have been here for some years now. Long enough to notice that attitudes have changed quite a bit. It’s more the Loki part of the equation I’m worried about.”

“Understandable. You think you’re compromised?”

“Am I?”

“That’s not a question I can answer.”

Steve hesitated. “I am getting useful intel from him, right?”

“We might very well be dealing with a threat beyond anything any of us has ever faced before. That makes me think we should do whatever it takes to get at anything that might help.”

“Even if that means me falling… developing any sort of feelings for a psychopath?”

“I don’t think he’s a psychopath.” At Steve’s look of surprise, she shrugged. “You do have to wonder, don’t you? He turns up on Earth in terrible shape with a sceptre that can control minds and an army that he shouldn’t have. And Clint’s told me some _very_ interesting things about his behaviour back then. He seemed to think the guy might not have been a free agent in all this.”

This was news to Steve. “Why did he never say anything?”

“It’s not something he enjoys thinking much about, unsurprisingly. But it never seemed to matter much.”

“Are you serious? Thor’s been wondering where Loki got that army from for _years_.”

“And then Loki died,” said Natasha. “Or so we thought, anyway. It’s not like I’ve been hiding this from you, Steve, it’s just not crossed my mind recently.”

This struck Steve as incredibly unlikely, but he also thought he should probably give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Fine. But how the hell do I bring that up?”

“That depends, doesn’t it? Do you think whatever feelings you have for him are reciprocated?”

Steve wanted the ground to swallow him. “He’s not exactly easy to read.”

“Good work evading the question. Now answer it.”

Ugh. “You think I can tell? He stares at me a lot. And he’s the one following me around. And he sometimes…”

“What?”

“He… um… brushes against me.”

Natasha’s face remained blank which made Steve think she was working hard at suppressing her first reaction. “Yeah, that definitely sounds like he’s into you.”

“What does that mean, though? Do Asgardians even develop feelings the same way we do? Is _Loki_ even able to…?”

“Hmm… There’s not exactly a handbook for this stuff -“

“There _should_ be…”

“- but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume he’s able to form attachments. He certainly has to his family, however messed up that might be.”

Steve paused, his thoughts chaotic and conflicting. “How does that help me find out whether Loki was acting on his own accord?”

Natasha sighed. “Oh for heaven’s sake, Steve. If the guy does have feelings for you, he might want to impress you. Maybe he’ll want to convince you he’s not all that evil. Maybe he’ll be defensive because he’s not quite sure how he should handle those feelings and doesn’t want anyone else to see the good in him. If you even hint at it, his reaction should tell you _something_ all right.”

“You want me to play on his feelings.”

“Is this the part where you tell me that it’d be immoral and wrong? Somehow, I doubt Loki would share your concerns.”

“Even if I did want to do that, I kind of doubt I could. Let’s face it, you and Loki are both way better than I am at manipulating people.”

“Thanks ever so much,” said Natasha dryly. “But you completely underestimate the effect you have on people. You might not do it consciously, but you make the people around you _want_ to be better. People want to impress you, want to follow you. Clearly, not even Loki is immune.”

“That’s… That’s not true.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “You really have no idea, do you? All things considered, maybe it’s better if you don’t overthink this. Just ask him about it, let your natural charm do the work.”

“Not used to getting this many compliments from you,” said Steve, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” said Natasha dismissively. But she was smiling when she left the room.

* * *

He hoped he had gotten everything. The others got weird went Steve wanted to make a detailed grocery list - _it’s just a few things, don’t tell me your memory is fading old man_? But he just liked having it all there so that he could check it and maybe check it a second or a third time because what happened if he forgot something? And okay, it probably would just be something non-apocalyptic like the pöttyös Natasha liked so much (he had _definitely_ remembered those) but after everything that had happened and everything he had put them through, the very least he could do was to actually remember a few stupid groceries.

Steve really needed to calm down.

With a half-glance over his shoulder, he cut into the alleyway that would take him back fastest. There wasn’t much risk with their supermarket run, and it was already quite late, but that wouldn’t stop him from being nervous. Always on guard. He adjusted the groceries in his hand while pulling his cap a little lower over his face. Not long -

He almost ran headlong into Loki.

Barely stopping in time, he rocked back on his heels. “So. You’re back,” said Steve, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“I am.”

Loki didn’t move and after a second Steve turned away, walking a few steps so that he leaned against the wall and placing the grocery bag down. “Another dark alleyway. That your thing?”

“I only find you where you are,” said Loki, head bowed slightly as he looked up at Steve with an unusually unguarded expression.

That was a fair point.

“So if you’re here, guess that means I get to ask you some stuff.”

Loki rolled his eyes, the motion somehow running through his entire body. Said body was clothed in a white blouse that clung to him and dark, tight trousers. Steve’s eyes couldn’t help but linger before he reprimanded himself. _Concentrate, Rogers_. Jeez.

“Haven’t I told you enough?”

“You really haven’t.” He had to figure out how to approach this. _Let your natural charm do the work_ \- yeah, thanks for that, Natasha. “So… I was wondering about the stones you used.”

“What about them?”

“Space and mind, right?”

“Yes.”

“All right… Eh. How did you know the space stone was on Earth?”

“It was left there by Asgard in the first place.”

“And how about the mind stone? How did you get that?”

Loki considered him for a moment before answering. “Is there a point to all this?”

“Yeah, actually.” Steve took a deep breath. “I was wondering… whether there was someone else. Who got you to invade Earth and gave you the sceptre and the army and all that.”

“The sceptre, hmm?”

“Yeah, because maybe that could have been used to communicate with you, or… Or…”

This time, the silence between them stretched on uncomfortably long. Loki’s face was half-shrouded in shadows but he had an odd look on his face. What was he…

“You want to excuse my actions,” said Loki eventually. “I’m very nearly touched.”

“This isn’t about excusing anything -“

“Isn’t it? It’d be easy for the perfect hero, wouldn’t it? If you were interrogating someone who wasn’t truly responsible for his actions, if you could justify to yourself the amount of time you’re spending with me.”

“This isn’t an interrogation.”

“Hmm. What is it then, containment? Better I talk to you than to some poor unsuspecting soul, I suppose. Ever the martyr.”

“This isn’t that either. You’re the one who keeps seeking me out.”

“Yes, well. I happen to enjoy this little game of ours, but of course -“

“This isn’t a game!”

“- that wouldn’t quite suit you. Yes. You’re an interesting man, Rogers. After all this time, you still think you owe this world something.”

“I don’t. I don’t think that.”

“You’re not much of a liar. I imagine your Romanoff would agree with me on that.”

“She’s not my anything.”

Loki rolled his eyes again. “I certainly don’t seek you out to argue about semantics all day. You do fascinate me, though. A man of ideals in a cynical world. It’s no wonder you ended up clashing.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Hmm. I wonder what Stark would say. Almost makes me wish I’d waited a little longer to attack this realm…”

Steve clenched his fists even as he realised how easily Loki had managed to get to him. Why choose now to provoke him? He breathed in, determined not to let his temper to get the better of him. Loki had started needling Steve when he had just hinted at the idea that he might not have been wholly responsible for his actions. There was something there - Steve was sure of it.

He calmed himself before trying again. “You could at least say where you got the army from.”

A hint of irritation flashed through Loki’s features before dissipating. “No.”

An outright refusal instead of an evasion? “I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure this whole arrangement of me putting up with you involved you actually answering my questions.”

Loki bared his teeth. “ _Putting up_ with me? I think you forget that I could make your life very unpleasant if -“

“Yeah, yeah,” interrupted Steve, feeling surprisingly confident. “Of course you could. But you haven’t. Which makes me think you don’t want to make my life unpleasant.”

The very air seemed to quiver as Loki appraised him. Something had shifted, like the temperature had gone down with Steve’s words. “Oh? So what is it I want?”

“I don’t know,” said Steve, shivering a little. “And I don’t care. All _I_ want is for you to tell me where you got your army from and whether -“

“Is that really _all_ you want?” Loki cut in. “Most men do not have so single-minded desires.”

Something about the way Loki said ‘desires’ made the back of his neck prickle. This wasn’t good.

“You’re changing the subject. It’s a simple question. Where did you -“

“How admirable your dedication,” said Loki, his voice oddly quiet yet still making Steve fall silent. How did he _do_ that? Loki stepped forward, his long legs erasing much of the distance between them. “But you seem to have gotten it into your head that you have some knowledge of what I _want_. So I am curious what exactly you think that would be.”

“I’m asking the questions.”

“Is that so?” Another step, like he was prowling. An oversized cat, that’s all he was.

But Steve felt a flutter of panic as Loki continued to advance on him. “Just tell me,” he said quickly, “where did you get the army from? Who gave you the sceptre and… and was there someone else helping you beside the Chitauri? How did you even meet? Where are they from and… And…”

Loki was very close now, looking down at him even though he really wasn’t _that_ much taller. Yet the way he carried himself… Even here, he seemed like a prince.

“So many questions,” he murmured and extended one hand. Steve wanted to grab it but for some reason he just watched it as it snuck ever closer, resting on Steve’s heart.

“Stop distracting me,” said Steve in an irritatingly feeble voice, trying to look fierce even as he resolved _not_ to back away from this jerk.

“Hmm. Can you fault me?” Another step closer as the hand remained on his heart. Those eyes, pale blue in the dimming light, seemed to want to swallow Steve with their haunting intensity. They had lived entire lifetimes that he couldn’t begin to guess at. For the first time, he really understood why his ancestors might have worshipped these beings as gods.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Which question?”

Which question, indeed? He realised he was breathing way too quickly and really, he should step back now or get rid of that hand or do _something_ rather than just stand there like an idiot as the guy who had invaded Earth just a few years ago stared at him like he was a particularly interesting puzzle for him to unpick.

And then the god leaned forward and all of a sudden their lips were touching. Steve knew he should move back, knew he should run away from this criminal - but wasn’t he himself a criminal now? And it wasn’t like anyone would ever find out and… why did this feel so good? So right? His lips parted as he allowed Loki to advance ever further into him, both hands on his body now as they remained stuck together in this single, ridiculously good moment.

When Loki drew back, Steve could not stop a tingle of disappointment run through him even as he stared dazed at the slender figure.

“Thank you.”

The words were only a whisper and Steve must have misheard them… Because there was no way that was what he had said, was it? Loki, thanking him?

He disappeared off into the shadows, like he had never even been there. It took Steve a while to move again.

* * *

“You’re late.”

“I ran into Loki.”

“Huh. So, how did that go?”

“Where’s Sam?”

Natasha looked up, instantly curious. “He’s upstairs with Wanda. Why?”

“No reason.”

“Come on, then, spill.”

Steve collapsed on the couch with a small groan. “What the hell am I doing, Nat?”

“Hard question to answer seeing as you still haven’t told me what you _did_ do.”

“Loki and I kissed.”

Natasha’s mouth parted in the shape of a small ‘oh’. So he could still surprise her. The thought didn’t make him particularly happy at that moment.

“How was it?”

Steve considered the question for a moment. “Good. It was… good.”

Natasha nodded, absorbing this new information. “I’m guessing this isn’t a particularly clever ploy to get information from him?” She saw Steve’s horrified expression and tilted her head to one side. “Thought not. You and Loki, huh?”

Steve groaned again. “I’m an idiot.”

“Why?”

“Because I was meant to be getting answers. And then he started… distracting me… and…”

Natasha regarded him with more than a little amusement. “Yes, I imagine he’d be rather good at that.”

“This _isn’t_ funny.”

“Isn’t it? Look, Steve, it’s not like you’ve lost anything here. If anything, him taking such drastic action to avoid your questions suggests you’re very much on to something. Next time he visits - and he will - you can press him on it again.”

“But what if he… you know.”

“‘Distracts’ you a little more? Two can play that game, you know. Distract him back, catch him off guard.”

“This _isn’t_ a game,” said Steve wearily for the second time that night.

“Why not?”

“Because… because I’m not meant to be nice to him. After everything he’s done…”

“What, you’ve never forgiven people who have done terrible things before?”

“Not this again.”

“Yes, this again. It’s a pattern with you - you believe in redemption. Again and again -“

“Twice at most.”

“Oh, come on. You led a team composed of two assassins, a former arms dealer, a guy who turns green and smashes loads of things and a warrior god who I doubt has a squeaky clean past.”

“That’s different -“

“Even Wanda,” she continued. “Worked for HYDRA, then worked for Ultron. You never even hesitated to give her a second chance.”

“That wasn’t her fault, she was being used -“

“- like Barnes. Yeah, maybe. Maybe neither of them are culpable. But I’m here too, aren’t I? When I interrogated Loki back on the helicarrier, he said something… We were both playing each other, but he had a point. The amount of red in my ledger doesn’t really come out.”

“You can’t compare that,” said Steve stubbornly. “It was what you were trained -“

“No offence, Steve, but I really wish you would let me own my decisions.”

A pause. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. But you could apply that same argument to Loki, again. Sure, he’s killed more people than me, but I have killed a _lot_.”

“Okay. But you changed. You’re helping me try and do the right thing.”

“He’s changed too, hasn’t he? That’s what you said.”

Steve grimaced in frustration. “It’s not enough to stop doing bad things, which we have no guarantee -“

“Hmm. Where’d you meet him that first time, remind me? Because I seem to recall it was stopping some Asgardian weapons falling into the wrong hands. And saving your life.”

“Which doesn’t make any sense. Asgard thinks he’s dead - what is he doing running around protecting their stuff?”

“I don’t know. Sure doesn’t seem like the Loki we knew, though.”

“But…” Steve frowned, not quite sure what line to take next.

Natasha tilted her head to one side, examining him like an interesting specimen. She shared Loki’s talent for unnerving stares. “I’m curious. Why are you trying so hard to convince yourself that you’re doing the wrong thing?”

“Because I _am_ doing the wrong thing. I know that.”

“But?”

“But… It doesn’t feel wrong.”

Natasha smiled. “You know what I think? I think you want to feel guilty, because you think that that’s how Steve Rogers is _meant_ to feel. You can’t please everyone - I thought you’d have learnt that by now.”

“I have and this isn’t about - What would Clint say?” he asked suddenly. There, that was it.

The smile faded as Natasha looked at the floor pensively. “You know he recruited me, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“I was his target, but he ended up recruiting me. I don’t think you quite understand what a strange decision that was, but he made it anyway. Clint is someone who understands the world he’s living in, yet still tries to be better than it. It’s an admirable quality.”

“It is.”

“Our first mission together was here, you know,” she said, running a finger along the palm of her other hand as she stared at them. “In Budapest. I didn’t understand him at all. But I figured, man like him’s only going to come around once. Just because he’s stupid enough to put his faith in me, doesn’t mean anyone else ever will. But maybe, if he sees me like an actual person… Well, maybe that’s what I am.”

Steve waited for her to continue. She never talked often about her past, understandably so. That didn’t mean he wasn’t curious…

“I can’t help but think he’d understand better than anyone.”

She paused and Steve couldn’t help but wonder whether she was lying to him, or perhaps simply feeding him a comforting story with little regard for the truth. He still couldn’t quite tell, with her. But he had to put his trust in his friends.

A small shrug. “You two are quite alike, you know. Well, he’s a considerably better cook, but…”

Steve rolled his eyes.

* * *

The next time he saw Loki, it was in the middle of the day. He shouldn’t be going out at this time but in this unusually warm spring weather the house was feeling particularly stifling. They all felt it, of course. So he had resolved to take a very short walk, cap pulled down low and nerves itching even worse. Walk once around the block, go back. No cameras, no fuss.

Loki was leaning against a fence, waiting for him as he approached. How exactly he knew where Steve was or that he would come down that particular path, he had no idea. He probably wouldn’t like the answer.

This was the closest Loki had ever been to their safe house. Did that make him nervous? He sent Natasha a quick text to make sure she wouldn’t worry.

Steve really didn’t know how he was meant to act after what had happened… the last time. For his part, Loki greeted him by inclining his head with a touch of mock solemnity. Or maybe Steve was interpreting too much into a simple movement.

 _Calm down_.

“Hey.”

“Care for a walk? I hear there’s a park close to here.”

“Yeah, there is…” Not that Steve ever went. But with Loki… “Sure, let’s go.”

“No one will recognise us,” said Loki, giving a reassurance that hadn’t been requested.

So they walked in silence. It felt so strange to wander in the open without worry. Weirder yet to walk beside Loki, who acted like nothing had happened between them. Had it just been an act of whimsy for him? Had it mattered at all? Was this what Asgardians did? Was he just being an idiot and over-thinking things?

Once they reached the park, they sat down on a bench. A familiar setting of joggers and the occasional dog and people enjoying the sunny day and the two of them sticking out so badly even if no one could notice them. And Steve, still completely unsure how to act and what to say.

After a brief continuation of the silence, he ended up going with the only thing he could think of.

“So… um… Could we pick up where we left of before… um… before…”

Oh for the love of -

His attempts at coherent speech were evidently highly amusing to Loki, who refrained from helping him and instead simply said, “Yes?”

Screw him.

“There’s…” Steve ordered himself to concentrate. “There’s a few things I want to clarify. About… um… the Chitauri. Among other things.”

He was a little worried that Loki might react badly to this, but he didn’t seem particularly irritated. Instead, he opted for yawning ostentatiously.

“Won’t you ever stop asking your questions?” he asked. Steve was again reminded strongly of a cat. An especially annoying one.

“I’ll stop asking if you answer them.” _Jerk_ , he added in his head. “Then we could be finished with all this.”

Loki frowned. “All what?”

“You know,” said Steve, then paused. “This.”

Loki considered him for a moment. “Ah. I can imagine these meetings are rather tiring for you.”

“That’s not what I -“

“Luckily, I disagree.”

He shifted on the bench so that he was suddenly a whole lot closer to Steve. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the alien’s presence, so vibrant with that never quite absent hint of danger.

“Do you know why I come to visit you?”

“Because I entertain you,” said Steve, trying to keep his voice even.

Loki’s teeth flashed in the midday sun. “Entertainment isn’t particularly hard for me to come by, these days.”

“Isn’t it?”

“It isn’t.” He paused before he continued, shifting even closer still. “And yet here I am.”

“Go on, then. Why _do_ you come and visit me? I doubt it’s for the sparkling conversation…”

Were his eyes green or blue or something else entirely? Either way, they glittered at Steve, so easily entrapping him and making it really hard to think clearly… “You sell yourself short, Captain.”

“Stop calling me that.” The words slipped out and immediately earned him a raised eyebrow. “It’s just… That’s not who I am any more.”

“Hmm. I wonder…”

“You still haven’t answered the question.”

Loki’s fingers stretched out and cupped his chin tentatively, almost as if asking permission. “You and your questions.”

“It was _your_ question in the first place.”

“Good point. You’re sharper than people think, eh, Capt- eh, Rogers?” The correction surprised Steve and in that brief moment of distraction, Loki’s lips were on his again. His mind went blank before a solitary thought came floating in: he was really, really bad at this whole interrogating people business. Probably should stick to blowing things up.

Loki’s hair swished against his face, surprisingly soft, long enough that it ended up everywhere. His hands were all over him now while Steve’s lay quite limply in his lap. It occurred to him that he should probably be doing more but this really wasn’t his skill set. He raised his hands to grasp at Loki’s hips as the other swung a leg over his own and leaned against him so that they were almost lying on each other.

In public. Which really wasn’t what he’d ever, ever do, but also… they didn’t look like themselves to anyone else, right? Please, oh please dear actual God, let Loki not have been lying about that…

Loki pressed himself against Steve just as their lips separated. They stared at each other, heads still almost touching, with what was unmistakably a grin covering Loki’s face. “What do you want to know?”

Steve blinked a few times. “Eh… what?”

“Your questions, Rogers. I think you’ve earned the right to ask them.”

What did he… “Wait just a moment. I’m not letting you do… _this_ because I want you to answer my questions.”

The eyebrows flew up again. “You don’t want answers?”

“Yeah, I do, but… This isn’t some sort of bargain. Shit - you thought? This isn’t me… humouring you, or whatever.”

Loki’s eyes widened slightly and if Steve didn’t know better, he might have thought the alien looked _hopeful_. “You don’t mean to tell me that you’re enjoying this.”

To his extreme irritation, he could feel the colour rising to his cheeks as he grew aware once again that the guy was still _on_ him. “Eh…” Screw this. “Yeah, I am. That so surprising to you?”

There was no doubting it this time: Loki definitely looked pleased. “I just imagined all the layers of guilt and self-righteousness would make that impossible.”

Steve glared at him. “I am _not_ self-righteous.”

“Apparently not.” His head bent down to give Steve a surprisingly gentle kiss, before rolling off him in a single elegant motion so that they sat beside each other once more. Yet he left one hand resting on Steve’s thigh. Steve didn’t move it. “Still, that makes it all the less fair to deny you your questions.”

“Since when do you care about fairness?”

“Is that a question?” There was a teasing light in Loki’s eyes and Steve was struck by how young he looked, more like a harmless trickster than the dangerous monster he had met in Stuttgart.

“Yeah. Though I am more curious as to why you come here.”

“Hmm. And here was I thinking I had just answered that question.”

“What, because you enjoy” - he coughed - “kissing me?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I enjoy _you_ , Rogers. You’re fascinating, not least because the people you fought so hard to protect have now rejected you. And yet you still soldier on.”

“That’s not -“

“- what happened? Perhaps the intricacies of Midgardian politics escape me. It can’t help but make me curious, however, that even when you are confronted with a monster from your past, you quickly figure out a way to use the situation to help you protect your realm. That requires quite some dedication.”

“You’re not a monster.”

Loki smiled a little sadly. “Would it make you too uncomfortable? To touch a monster?”

“That’s not what this is about.”

“Ah, your mind control theory, then. Even if you were right, I’d still be a monster, you know. But at least I’ve found a way to enjoy that existence.”

“Am I right?”

“Would it matter? Be honest, does it make it any better what I did?”

“I don’t care about that,” said Steve, trying to convince himself of the words. “Look, this isn’t some kind of philosophical debate to me. Whether you’re responsible or not, that’s one thing. But what I care most about is whether there’s a guy out there who sent you and whether he’s likely to try again.”

“Do you know, nobody has ever actually asked me that before,” said Loki, seemingly pleased. “Questions I can actually answer. How exciting. Well, then, yes on both counts.”

A sharp inhale. “You mean someone sent you? He’ll try again?”

“More or less. I doubt he’ll care much about ruling Earth per se, but…”

“Who is he?”

“That, I cannot say.” He looked a little apologetic in response to Steve’s obvious frustration. “His name wouldn’t do you much good anyway. And I was directed by a subordinate, the leader of the Chitauri army. I knew him only as the Other, which I doubt is his actual name.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be the leader of the army?”

Loki shrugged. “I would have liked to be.”

Again, that odd absence of the legendary anger that had almost engulfed the Earth. What _had_ he been up to these last few years?

“But what does he want? The Chitauri guy, or his leader, or whatever.”

“Believe it or not, I wasn’t actually privy to a detailed mission statement. He wants the infinity stones which you clearly know all about. He gave me one so that I could bring him the Tesseract. In return, he said I could have Earth. He played me quite effectively, you know, even though I hardly think he would have kept his end of the bargain.”

“So there was a bargain?” asked Steve, disappointed despite himself.

He got the impression Loki knew exactly what he was feeling. “There was a bargain,” the alien repeated simply.

“But I don’t get it. Why give you one stone to try to get the other? It risked losing both of them - as ended up happening.”

“I needed the sceptre to make the connection to the Tesseract in the first place, as well as to control the Chitauri army. And of course, my handlers wouldn’t have wanted to lose me.”

His… handlers? Steve shivered but tried to focus again. “Okay, but why did they need you in the first place? No offence, but couldn’t they have just used the sceptre, popped through a portal, snatched the Tesseract and gotten the hell out of there again?”

Again, that pleased expression. “If I had know you were this bright, I would have come to play far earlier. Yes, it is rather the conundrum, isn’t it? The answer here lies at least in part in the nature of my travel. Using one infinity stone to activate, if you will, the other is an imperfect method at best.”

“Hence the entire SHIELD facility imploding.”

“Quite. While creating a portal to transport the Tesseract to where my handlers were would have taken considerably less energy than the massive portal the Chitauri came through, it still needed some time to set up, especially considering how far away they were. Which means they had to send someone who could navigate Midgard until another portal could be opened.”

“And that’s why they sent you?”

“It was so very neat, wasn’t it? There was this broken little thing from one of the realms Midgard is linked to, ready to be crafted into a nice weapon to be used to acquire the Tesseract, fallen right into their hands as if by a miracle. And in an additional stroke of luck, I brought news that the Bifrost was damaged and help from Asgard was thus unlikely to arrive. All this just when some mortal fools on the other end had started experimenting with things they couldn’t hope to understand. How could they resist?”

Steve recoiled at the way Loki described himself in so casual a tone, hard enough that Loki’s hand slipped off his thigh. The alien looked up in surprise, seemingly not having expected such a reaction.

“What do you mean… broken?”

Loki stared at him so long that Steve began to wonder whether he would reply at all. “Does it matter?”

“It does, to me.”

Loki’s mouth opened a little in surprise. His eyes looked a little wet but he quickly averted his gaze, as did Steve. “You are too kind a man, Rogers. I hope my information will end up being of use to you, but… I’d prefer to continue this conversation another day, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Steve shook his head. “I wouldn’t. Mind, I mean.” It didn’t feel right to push him on this. It was so… personal. “Soon?” he asked hopefully.

“There’s business I need to attend to for the next three days, but I’m sure I could slip away after that.”

Slip away from what? “So Thursday?”

“Thursday it is.”

“And… where?”

Loki pursed his lips. “How about St Stephen’s Basilica?”

“St… Excuse me?”

Loki was clearly amused by his reaction. “I hope that doesn’t offend your sensibilities.”

“It’s an… odd choice,” said Steve, dodging the question.

“It’d be odder still if I had _no_ interest in your places of worship,” said Loki in a teasing tone. “Even if you did grow insultingly ignorant of the gods who ever actually _bothered_ to visit.”

Steve wondered whether that counted as blasphemy. “So you want to check out what we built for…” He stopped before he could say ‘other gods’. This was all way too weird for him.

“I would bet you all of Asgard’s gold that Thor has done the same at least once, probably considerably more often.”

“Is that really your gold to bet?”

“I’m one hell of a thief.”

“I bet,” muttered Steve. “Okay, sure. The basilica it is. Maybe after closing time.” Better to not risk sneaking into the city centre in the middle of the day.

“Hmm. Can’t say I’d mind some peace and quiet.”

Oh for -

Loki grinned at Steve’s expression. “Eight in the evening your time, perhaps?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Good… Well, I’ll see you there.” He tapped Steve in the chest with his index finger, the unexpected gesture sending a shiver coursing through him. “My illusion will last long enough to get you safely back to the shadows.”

And with that he left, once more quickly disappearing. He was pretty good at that.

* * *

He told the others the barebones. The bits that were relevant. Some of the heavier stuff… Well, it felt hard to part with that. Besides, they were all too busy taking the piss out of him.

Fair enough, really.

 _I don’t trust a guy without a dark side_ , Stark had said. Oh, if he could see him now.

He found Wanda in the kitchen. It was probably stupid, expecting her to somehow figure out the mess that were his thoughts for him. But she would understand some of it, right? Maybe not the weirdest bits. But she knew weird too.

Wanda looked up and smiled at him as he brought himself to make pleasant conversation until he could steer the conversation to where he wanted it to be.

“How are you doing it? With Vision, I mean?” asked Steve eventually.

Wanda looked up in surprise from the vegetables she had been cutting. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just curious. It must be tough, considering he’s with Tony and you’re here…”

She gave him a smile that was way too knowing. “You mean, how do I do the whole ‘sleeping with the enemy’ thing.”

“He’s not the enemy,” said Steve instantly. “It’s not… I’m just wondering.”

“Uh huh,” she said, then sighed. “Well… I guess it’s letting yourself have good things. For a long time, I felt like I didn’t deserve anything like that.”

“You shouldn’t -“

“I’m not saying I still think that, but it _is_ what I thought,” said Wanda, cutting him off with a little exasperation. “Then for a while I thought I could do the whole being a hero thing and it would all work out fine. But the point is to kind of move past that. Maybe I don’t have to be perfect to still have some happiness in my life.”

“It’s not like… Even after the Accords, all that doesn’t mean you should give up on all the hero stuff.”

“Yeah, but I was naive. I thought I could use my powers with good intentions and that would just kind of automatically lead to me protecting people.” She threw the vegetables in the pan and started prodding at them with a wooden spoon.

“You can do that. You are.”

Wanda shook her head. “You don’t always need to comfort me, Steve. Sometimes I just need to feel bad about the things I’ve done.”

He frowned. “You do?”

“Guilt’s not a bad thing. It shows you have a conscience.”

“Funny that, seeing as people keep telling me not to feel so guilty.”

“Your trouble is you overdo it.” She smiled lightly at him, looking way older and way wiser than she had any right to be. “Who are you trying to prove anything? Our lives are messes, and all we can do is _try_ to do the right thing while also having to live with how we fail an awful lot of the time. But surely after everything we’ve been through, we deserve a little happiness.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But it’s Loki. And I’m in love with whatever you get when you mix vibranium, artificial intelligence and a really wacky stone. You’re getting information from him, right? Why can’t you also enjoy yourself?”

Steve sighed. “Maybe I’ve forgotten how to do that.”

“So let Loki show you. I bet he’s good at that sort of thing.” When Steve’s eyes widened, she laughed. “Who are you hurting with this? Who are you afraid of letting down?”

Steve thought of Tony and of Clint and Bruce and Thor… What would Thor think of this? Would he be happy for his brother or furious of Steve for cozying up with him while Thor still thought him dead?

And then he realised. He didn’t care.

“You’re pretty smart, you know.”

“Wow, thanks,” said Wanda. “Might not have seen much of the world but when it comes to guilt and not letting yourself be happy… Well, I’m an expert on that. Don’t pout like that - you know it’s true.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”

“You’re not going to solve all the suffering in the world. However hard you want to.”

“So I should give up?”

“Of course not. Refusing to give up is one of the things I admire most about you. That and your pigheadedness. Still, you need to just… calm down. Sometimes. Just a little.”

“That sounds like good advice.”

Wanda rolled her eyes. “Of course it is. Now follow it.”

* * *

“I’m here,” breathed a voice behind him. Steve spun around to see a grinning Loki standing _very_ close.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He did look chipper, and Steve wondered whether his ‘business’ had gone well.

“Sneak up on me like that.”

“Still a warrior’s instincts, I see,” murmured Loki, before extending a hand and running his fingers over Steve’s face. They stayed frozen there for a moment, as if neither was entirely sure how to proceed. Then Steve stepped forward and kissed him. Loki remained still for a moment, as if shocked, then responded to Steve. He could feel the Asgardian shiver at his touch just as Loki grasped at his hands then raised them so that they cusped Loki’s neck. Steve kept them there, holding him even as Loki’s hands roamed all over and making Steve feel in ways he hadn’t even thought he was capable of feeling.

They were standing in the shadow of a church, Steve realised. He tried to figure out how he should feel about that, but all he could think was _huh_.

* * *

“You kissed me,” said Loki. He said it casually enough, yet his eyes were watching Steve closely.

“I did,” said Steve.

They were sitting next to each other at a pew in the church, Loki having let them in with ridiculous ease. Even in the dark, the church was incredible, Steve’s gaze resting on everything from the paintings above, the high vaulted ceiling, the statues… He should really see whether he could go up to the dome later. Would Loki mind?

This made Steve realise that the Asgardian’s presence no longer made him uncomfortable. Not… safe, certainly not that. But not as on edge, perhaps. He didn’t feel like that often. Everything was tense, everything was about navigating a bright, painful world. Always be alert, always be ready. But he couldn’t live like that. It seemed so easy to Natasha. But it just _wasn’t_ to him.

But with Loki… Well, it was paradoxical, really. Loki was the last person he _should_ trust. But there also wasn’t much to lose if he did so. Except his own life, and that had always been expendable.

“I don’t understand you, Rogers,” said Loki suddenly.

“Join the club.”

Loki snorted and Steve smiled too. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.

“I suppose you’ll want to ask your questions?”

“Only if you’re fine with it.”

“That’s new.”

Steve shrugged. “There’s stuff I need to know. Then there’s stuff I want to know. I’ll work as hard as I have to so I get at the first. The second is yours to give, if you want to do so.”

A nod. “And what do you need to know?”

“I need to know more about who you were working for and what they want. I need to know about where the other stones are, and how easily these people can get at them. I have to figure out how we can defend ourselves when the time comes and how we can prepare ourselves.”

“Quite the list.”

“Well, I hear it’s quite the threat.”

Loki sighed and scooted closer to Steve before laying his head on Steve’s shoulder in a way that made it tricky to concentrate. The wave of black hair fell all around his shoulder, close enough that he could smell… Were those herbs of some kind? Intoxicating enough to distract him, but not overpowering.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m not sure whether there’s anything you _can_ do to defend yourselves. Believe it or not, I’ve given it quite a bit of thought myself. We’re hurtling towards a dreadful future, and the ways out of that are… limited, to say the least.”

“But there _are_ ways out?”

“Oh, there is always a way out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Death, my dear Rogers. The sweetest escape of them all.”

Steve flinched and jerked back. Loki raised his head and gave him a disgruntled look.

“Was that necessary?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “You’re facing considerable enemies. Most of them can’t follow you beyond the grave. Surely you understand that.”

“That’s your solution? Suicide?”

This made Loki frown. “Not for you, obviously. I merely said -“

“But for you? Death isn’t some… isn’t some _sweet escape_ or something -“

“You’d know?”

“Yeah, I would. Stuck in the ice for sixty years, remember?”

“And you never regret it?” asked Loki, his voice carrying a new harshness. “Never regret that they brought you back? You fought your battles, Rogers, you did your duty. But they couldn’t leave you be so they dragged you into a world you no longer understand facing threats they cannot hope to conquer, so that you would do their fighting for them. And you did it - so, so well. But it hurts, doesn’t it? Having to exist alone in this painful world, still carrying all the world’s expectations when your time was done and you _deserved peace_ …”

He fell silent as Steve struggled to think straight, because this was ridiculously accurate and _how could he know_? Was he really _that_ easy to read?

“I wanted to have a life in my own time,” he said eventually. “Not die.”

“You were robbed of that,” said Loki, now sounding hollow more than anything else.

“Yeah. But there’s stuff in this time I’m happy I got to see. I’ve made friends - great friends - that I never would have had the chance to meet. And somebody’s going to have to stand up and fight the good fight, right? Might as well be me.”

“Because you’re a hero.”

“Because I’m trying my best. I’m not a hero; I don’t even know what I am any more. Maybe I’m just a criminal, or a vigilante, or a relic from the past.” Loki flinched at that but Steve pressed on. “But I still try. Because at the end of the day, when all is said and done, the only person I can really answer to is myself. So I need to try to live by the values I believe in, for as long as I have to.”

Loki stared at him for a moment before closing his eyes and groaning in a very non-Loki way. “You really _are_ the ideal of Captain America, don’t you? Do you know how rare that is, a hero who actually lives up to their name?”

“I’m not all that great.”

“And the worst thing is, you even believe that. Is a little false modesty too much to ask for?”

Loki opened his eyes and the corners of his mouth snuck up at Steve’s confused expression.

“I wish I could figure out a way to keep you safe,” he said, his voice full of a melancholy that belied his smile.

Steve’s brow furrowed. This guy didn’t make any sense. “You can tell me what you know, for a start.”

“But I’m _telling_ you, I’m not sure there _is_ much of a way to prepare yourself.” Loki looked down at his lap as he fidgeted with his hands. “Not letting that robot roam around freely might be a good start.”

He needed a moment to figure out what Loki meant. Wait… Vision? “How do you even know about him?”

Loki shrugged. “I like being well-informed.”

“We’re not going to lock him up, if that’s what you mean.”

“Hmm. I’d prefer not to be close when he comes for the stone. And…” He hesitated. “I suppose I’d prefer it if you weren’t close either.”

Steve stared at the alien who was being… protective? Was that the right word? Was that what it was? How the hell had they gotten here?

“It’s a ‘he’, is it? One guy we have to worry about?”

Loki frowned like he wasn’t quite sure what Steve meant, then nodded. “There is one… being. He has his followers, his children, his armies… But when the time comes, he may not even need them.”

“And you’ve met him?”

“Yes,” said Loki, his face once again acquiring that haunted quality. “Even if I am more… intimately familiar with those he calls his children.”

Steve really wanted to back off, but he also knew that if there was a chance he could get at useful information… He hated this so much. “But what does he want?”

“Power. He… lusts after it, the pure thrill of life and death resting in his hands alone. In that way, he is no more than entirely ordinary. But he is a madman with a vision, a maniacal purpose he believes to have some greater, higher meaning that all those who oppose him are simply too blind to see, too lowly to comprehend. He is an insane tyrant who has convinced himself that he is a hero, a despot who believes he deserves to rule.” He shot Steve a quick look before staring down again. “If you’re about to say that he reminds you of someone, I _will_ leave.”

“I wasn’t going to,” said Steve honestly. Although now Loki said it… He took a deep breath. “Loki. I’m going to ask you a question I know you don’t want to answer. And it’s probably something I don’t _need_ to know, but I just want to make it clear that I’m not going to scarper whatever your answer is. Just… I’d just like it if you answered honestly.”

Loki regarded him with raised eyebrows. “You know, Rogers, I think you might have made rather fine a diplomat in another life.”

“I’d file my application with the State Department, but I get the sense they might end up arresting me.” That got a smile, thin and small but it was still a smile. Probably wouldn’t stay for long. “Okay, so here goes. Were you under his control when you invaded Earth?”

And there went the smile. Loki’s features darkened immediately and he looked almost angry, making Steve wonder whether he had gone too far, pushed too quickly. But whatever internal struggle Loki was going through, calmer thoughts seemed to prevail and his features relaxed again. Slightly.

“If you think I was being used like I did your Agent Barton, you are mistaken.”

“Yeah, we both know that isn’t what I asked.”

All of a sudden, Loki looked extremely tired as his words tumbled out. “I don’t know what you want to hear, Rogers. Would it make you feel better, to hear how I landed after an eternity of falling in so dark, so foul a place you have no hope of imagining it? Would you like to hear how I had to do the very vilest of deeds to hold on to that sliver of life I still possessed? Would it please you if I told you of the way he hurt me, he had others hurt me until I was no longer what I once was? Do you want to know how - once he had destroyed it - he remade my spirit, my very being in a way that suited him? No one else has ever even _bothered_ to ask - I don’t see why you should be so keen.”

Steve’s eyes had grown wider and wider during this little speech. When it was clear Loki had finished, he hardly knew how to react. It was so much… worse than he had imagined. A part of him wanted to go up to Loki and mutter _it’s not your fault_ , but somehow he knew that it wouldn’t be a good idea to do so.

 _I really wish you’d let me own my decisions_ , Natasha had said. And Loki had been clear on that, right? Whatever this… this monster had done to him, it wasn’t the same thing as what Loki had done to Clint. He still had a degree of agency - that was probably necessary, Steve realised, for Loki to be an effective commander. But still, was it _wrong_ for him to feel sympathetic for someone who had been tortured so severely that it had… broken them? He wasn’t excusing Loki’s actions, but…

Steve removed the distance between them and laid an arm around Loki, whose eyes widened as he stared into nothing. When he didn’t pull back, Steve pulled him towards his chest in a tight hug - but not too tight as to constrain him. After a moment in which Loki remained frozen, he then proceeded to bury his head in Steve’s shoulder as he accepted the hug.

Through the slightly flimsy fabric, Steve felt something wet on his shoulder and… was Loki _crying_? He hadn’t even known that it was _possible_ for - no, that was absurd, but still… What the hell? How on Earth was he meant to respond? He had make a literal god from legends cry and now he somehow had to figure out how to _not_ mess this up. Fighting desperately to keep his body relaxed, he couldn’t help but think he was less stressed out when handling actual bombs. He patted Loki a little awkwardly on the back. _Probably should stick to blowing things up_ \- truer words had never been thought.

They stayed there for what felt like an eternity: Steve holding Loki, Loki crying on Steve.

* * *

When Loki withdrew, Steve could not help but wonder whether he would react negatively to this display of weakness. Not… Well, he didn’t think of it that way but.. It was still weird, wasn’t it? Loki couldn’t be used to sharing this much this quickly. Was it quick? They had talked a lot, but mostly Steve had been struggling to not punch him rather than… whatever this was. But the shift… that felt quick.

There weren’t any traces of tears on Loki’s face. Not that it was really bright enough to tell in the church.

“I apologise,” said Loki, his voice with a hollow ring to it. His posture had stiffened considerably.

“There’s nothing to apologise for.”

“My… problems aren’t any of your concern.”

“They are,” said Steve. “Or they can be. It’s up to you.”

“How charitable.”

“Not really,” he said, trying to ignore the sarcasm. “I have been interrogating you quite a lot, after all. That’s basically _asking_ to hear of all your problems.”

Was that a smile? “I believe you said this wasn’t an interrogation.”

“Consider that me being diplomatic.”

A snort. Somehow - through some miracle - he had managed to cheer Loki up again. Even if just a little, it was enough to make him relax and lean against Steve. Maybe even finding comfort in someone else’s presence. That was good, right?

“You’re being kind to me.”

“Shouldn’t I be?”

“I’ve learned not to expect it.”

They were simple words, yet they still managed to destroy Steve’s defences entirely. He was fighting a losing battle against himself, his far too trusting nature making ruin of the caution he _should_ have, the suspicions he _should_ still hold.

He sighed as he lay an arm around Loki again. There was no helping it, really. He was too old to change who he was. At some point, he’d just have to accept that.

“I hope I haven’t worried you too much,” said Loki, quietly.

“You haven’t.”

Another snort, but this one had doubtful note to it. “I’m afraid I’ll have to take my leave soon.”

More of his business, whatever that might be, presumably.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Where do you want to meet the next time?”

His choice? He was at a loss for a moment, before it occurred to Steve that Loki’s skills did give him an unexpected chance to do more tourist-y things than he otherwise could have. “How about the castle district?”

“Hmm. I do like castles.”

Of course he did. “We can walk up to Buda Castle, explore the area. I’ve hear it’s beautiful on a sunny day.”

“Then I suppose I’ll have to take you on one of those.” He sighed. “I do need to leave.”

“Sure you can’t wait a bit?”

Loki’s eyes sparkled even in the gloom of the church as he looked up at Steve. “Are you suggesting something in particular?”

“I might be.”

* * *

They once again discussed the information Loki had provided them. The warnings certainly sounded ominous, yet for now they were still painfully short on any concrete steps they could take to protect Earth.

“Give it time,” said Natasha.

“What if we don’t have any?” asked Sam.

The question hung in the air, but there was a shared awareness that Loki had already told him more than they could have ever hoped for. And so, Natasha led the conversation into an unexpected direction.

“You shouldn’t have to sneak around,” said Natasha. “If you want to meet here, that’s fine.”

Sam made a surprised sound that accurately reflected what Steve felt.

“You’d seriously be fine with that?” Steve asked. “This is our safe house.”

“And Loki isn’t very safe,” added Sam. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally cool with Steve smooching his heart out with the super villains -“

“Oh, shut it.”

“- but inviting them into our places of rest seems to be _asking_ for us all to get our throats cut when we’re sleeping.”

“And I thought I was meant to be the paranoid one,” said Natasha dryly. “Steve has clearly made the decision that he trusts Loki, and I’m willing to put my trust in his judgement.”

“I didn’t say I trust him -“

“Don’t you?” Natasha gave him one of her most piercing stares as Sam looked from one to the other.

“Okay, maybe I do. But I’m not asking you to risk yourselves -“

“Because our day to day lives are so safe,” muttered Sam.

Steve rounded on him. “I thought you disagree with her?”

“I don’t know, man. You do clearly have feelings for the guy and it seems kind of silly for you to keep sneaking around. And, like, I didn’t really take you for the type to get laid in a church.”

“For heaven’s sake, Wilson, I did _not_ get laid -“

“Whatever you say, boss. All I’m saying is the Big Guy had better not mind other deities getting some in his house.”

“Sam,” said Natasha warningly. “Look, Steve, I’m being serious. You deserve this, whatever it is. And I don’t think you should have to sneak around to meet him. We have a perfectly nice house that’s yours as much as mine. If you want us to stay out of sight, that’s fine by me, if you don’t that’s also fine.”

“This isn’t some kind of… target assessing or whatever, right?”

A sly grin. “Look, I wouldn’t mind get a decent read off the guy. But this is mainly about you.”

“I agree,” said Sam. When Steve gave him a look, he shrugged. “Hey, I’m not about to get intimidated by some horned prat.”

“Thanks,” said Steve a little uncertainly. “But I definitely don’t expect you to get out of the way even if he does come and visit. And I’ll ask Wanda first. And I don’t even know whether he’ll say yes.”

“I think it’s likely,” said Natasha with that typically calculating expression of hers.

“Never boring around here, is it,” muttered Sam.

* * *

Steve stared out across the river. He could see the parliament and the basilica and the rest of Pest, all brightly lit in the crisp midday sun. It was so odd to be here in the open, so strange to be able to walk around without worrying. Even before he was on the run, he had to contend with the endless stares, the requests he couldn’t bring himself to refuse for an autograph or a picture or the like; it wasn’t like he minded and he didn’t want to be a jerk but it did make him feel… exposed.

Not so now. With Loki, he could be himself without worrying about anyone else watching.

“Enjoy the view?” murmured that now familiar voice behind him.

“Yeah, I am.”

“You should see Asgard… It’s probably a little much for your tastes. They do have rather a love for gold. But the central citadel stretching to the skies above… From there you can see all the kingdom and the water dripping off into nothing below.” The words were spoken softly and Steve listened contentedly even as he wondered how Loki would know his ‘tastes’… He must have noticed his reaction to the luxury of the café, of course he would have. Wait - was this the first time Loki had spoken about his home?

“Do you miss it?” he asked, hoping the question wouldn’t bother the Asgardian.

“Funnily enough, no,” said Loki, even though Steve didn’t understand what was meant to be funny about that. He came up next to him, facing away from the river as he stared at Steve before extending his index finger and gently stroking the other’s face. “Have I told you how much I like that beard?”

“It’s just a disguise,” said Steve self-consciously. “Just there to hide my face.”

“Take it from someone who knows, nothing is ever _just_ a disguise.” He ran his hand through Steve’s hair, slowly and deliberately. “Hmm. Do you have any questions for me today?”

It really wasn’t fair, Loki expecting him to ask questions while he was at his most distracted. Knowing him, he probably did it on purpose.

“So do you know where the stones are?”

“I know where four are, have a strong suspicion for the fifth. As to the sixth, I can only begin to guess.”

Steve waited, but Loki did not volunteer any more information. With a sigh, “Would you mind telling me?”

Loki grinned, his eyes lighting up in a way that did not make it easier to concentrate. “Mind is as you well know still on Earth. Space sits quite securely in Asgard’s vaults. Power is in another galaxy, on the planet Xandar where it is being guarded by its authorities. Reality is in that same galaxy with a rather disreputable fellow who goes by the moniker ‘the Collector’. I can’t imagine him to be easy to steal from.”

“They do sound pretty safe.”

“Yet they face a formidable enemy.”

“So what about your suspicions?”

“Oh yes, I am fairly confident Time is also on Earth, being guarded closely by the closest thing your realm has to magic-wielders.”

“It’s - Hold on, what?”

“I do wonder how they acquired it. But their defences are strong, by human standards. There is little point worrying about it - they don’t respond very well to advice.”

Steve filed that away under things he definitely had to think about later. “So that leaves” - he went through the list in his head - “soul, right?”

“Yes. There are plenty of rumours as to its whereabouts, but nothing solid. Hopefully, that means our foe hasn’t managed to locate it either. I imagine that little snag could be the reason he has delayed his mission for so long.”

“Hey, that almost counts as good news.”

Loki smiled and leant forward to kiss him. “I’m glad you’re pleased,” he murmured as they sat pressed against each other.

They wandered around the entire district, Steve sometimes stopping to admire particular buildings or a nice view of the river. It was less serious, this encounter. On such a lovely afternoon, it only felt right to enjoy the other’s company.

When the question of their next meeting came up, Steve mentioned Natasha’s proposal, not sure at all how Loki would react.

He was certainly surprised. “Your house? Are you being serious?” he asked dubiously.

“Totally. It’d be nice to have… some space. Our own space.”

“Wouldn’t your companions mind?”

“They already agreed to this.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “They know about this?”

“We’re a team. We’re honest with each other.”

“Hmm. I would have thought you’d want to keep this a secret.”

There was something odd about Loki’s expression - guarded almost.

“Why would I?” asked Steve. “I’m not ashamed or guilty or whatever you might be thinking.”

Loki perceptibly relaxed. “Can’t imagine the world would take well to seeing Captain America galavanting with the evil Loki.”

“Lucky I don’t answer to the world, then.”

* * *

And one night, Loki showed up in his room. No one was going to disturb them here, as Loki seemed to be thinking as he inspected the room slowly and luxuriously. Steve watched him, standing there awkwardly in the slightly gloomy room. The bed stood between them, solid and firm and suddenly a new possibility.

When Loki did move, he moved fast. And then Steve was being pushed back onto the bed, sinking into it as Loki leaned over him. Not a threat, not any more. He was something far more exciting now.

* * *

“You’re really cool with this?” asked Steve.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” replied Sam as he bounced the ball in front of the small basketball hoop he had set up and that would sooner or later lead to Natasha murdering him.

“Probably because he kind of destroyed New York.”

Sam threw the ball and it sailed threw the hoop without hitting the rim. He made a satisfied sound as he moved to collect it. “Takes more than some punk and his alien sidekicks to take down that city.”

“That’s not -“

“Yeah, yeah, I know what you meant,” said Sam, bouncing the ball between his legs. “Here, catch.”

He threw it so suddenly and so quickly that Steve was lucky he had enhanced reflexes. Steve brought his hands up and caught the ball, taken an involuntary half-step back. He glared at an impressed-looking Sam.

“Was that necessary?”

“No, but it was fun.” Steve passed the ball back to Sam. “Much like your thing with Loki. See what I did there? This is the shit they train you for at the VA.”

Steve groaned. “Remind me why I put up with you?”

“Because you’d be lost without me, Rogers.” He started bouncing the ball again. “But me, I think this is probably the best thing that could’ve happened to you.”

“Starting a thing with Loki.”

“Okay, not that specifically. But yeah, it’s all about adjusting.” He bounced the ball backwards and took a shot from the increased distance. It hit the backboard and went in, making him grin. “As your token non-emotionally repressed teammate, I’ll go ahead and say that any connections you make that ground you are probably a good thing.”

“Is a relationship with an alien really grounding?”

“Ha ha. But seriously, though, is this thing making you feel good?”

Sam watched him as he thought about it.

“Yeah, it does,” said Steve eventually. “I can relax around him because… because he’s not expecting anything from me.” Was that right? It felt true. Loki took him as he was, didn’t try to change him and didn’t get disappointed when Steve wasn’t the person people read about in the history books. Because he’d never even read those books, right? The majority of opinions Loki had regarding Steve would have been formed _after_ they had met. That really didn’t happen much these days.

“Well there you have it,” said Sam, retrieving the ball again. “Besides, it’d be a bit weird for this team to turn their nose up at someone with a shady past, you know? Rehabilitation seems like kind of a founding principle around here.”

Steve smiled as he watched Sam bounce the ball. “Your past is all right.”

“That’s what you think, Rogers,” said Sam with mock gravitas. Steve snorted, yet Sam’s expression turned serious as he bounced the ball. “But you people aren’t the only ones who can feel guilt. That’s just life. Hell, I sometimes wonder about the things I did in the army. I didn’t get to serve in a time when we were clearly on the right side.”

Steve considered Sam for a moment, absorbing that. “We did some pretty questionable things back then too.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing though. Life is a series of questionable choices. That’s what makes them choices. So go ahead and feel guilty… But don’t overdo it.” This was so eerily close to Wanda’s words that Steve couldn’t help but wonder whether they had discussed this amongst themselves. Oh well… Maybe he needed to hear it twice.

Sam threw the ball but it hit the rim and bounced back, making him swear quietly.

At that moment, Natasha came in. She looked furious.

“If you bounce that ball _one_ more time, Wilson,” she said, “I will give you death by a thousand cuts, each more excruciating than the last until you _beg_ me for mercy, but I will make sure even the sweet pleasure of unconsciousness is unavailable to you until the very end as you pass screaming and howling into the next life.” She spun on her heels and stalked out.

Sam and Steve looked at each other.

“I think I’ll put the ball away,” said Sam.

* * *

“The house is not guarded particularly tightly,” said Loki, staring out of the window into the night.

“Natasha has defences set up,” said Steve.

“I haven’t encountered them.”

“Yeah, well she knows to expect you.”

When Loki turned to face him, his eyebrows were raised. “That seems a little trusting.”

“She doesn’t trust you,” said Steve, and Loki’s lips quirked at his honesty. “That doesn’t mean she’s going to give you any grief coming in.”

“She _must_ be keen to hear the information I provide you.”

Steve inclined his head, conceding the point. “Yeah. But she also trusts my judgement.”

Loki stepped away from the window and towards him with a somewhat hungry expression. “And what is your judgement when it comes to me?”

“That I want you here.”

Again, both surprise and delight flitted across his face like he still couldn’t quite believe his luck. But any lack of confidence had faded by the time he descended on Steve.

* * *

That was the pattern for a little while: Loki showing up in his room, clearly preferring to not run into Steve’s friends. Steve didn’t push it - this was very weird for all of them. Sometimes, maybe it was enough to just be grateful.

Did Loki have anyone to talk to about all this, like Steve did?

Steve couldn’t help but seriously doubt it.

It was a wonder, that they were still in Budapest. Of course, it was important for them to lie low. To get some rest after all the running. But there also hadn’t been any emergencies big enough to force them to leave. Or maybe… Emergencies too big to ignore. That’s what Natasha and Sam assured him of. Sometimes it helped, to leave some of the decisions to them. He hoped that didn’t make him a coward. But he also needed to trust people, right? And he couldn’t make all the choices on his own. It was impossible to figure out, sometimes: he wanted all the responsibility and none of it all at once. And sometimes, he could just let go.

It was a beautiful quiet, though Steve could not help but think it was the calm before the storm. Perhaps he had grown too cynical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter tomorrow!


	3. Chapter 3

Steve woke up. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, gradually getting his mind going. Then he rolled around to see Loki lying next to him.

Loki, who was still very much asleep, who had been curled against Steve and looked utterly at peace. His hair was a lot frizzier than usual and Steve wondered whether that was what it naturally looked like. His chest rose and fell slowly, each breath calm and composed.

Was this what trust looked like?

Steve smiled. He could not stop himself from being happy, happy that in all this madness he had found a corner of peace and beauty that was his and his alone. Whatever happened, no one could take this from him.

Loki’s eyes opened and he looked at Steve, watching him watching. His eyes sparkled in that way they sometimes had, making him look so much younger. Before Steve could do anything, Loki leant forwards and nuzzled up against him and let out a contented sigh. Steve let all the tension creep out of his body as he put an arm around Loki.

* * *

Steve was cooking Loki dinner, a task that made him a little nervous even though he tried to ignore it. Just because this guy was a prince or something, doesn’t mean he couldn’t stoop to eat some Earth food same as everyone else. Besides, he _had_ eaten the chimney burgers without any obvious distaste.

“Hey,” said Sam as he entered the kitchen, then stopped when he saw Loki. “Oh, I see we have a guest.”

“This is Sam,” said Steve as Loki watched the newcomer warily.

Sam crossed over to Loki and extended his hand quite casually. “No need to ask who you are, of course,” he said as Loki, looking more than a little uncertain, shook his hand. “How d’you like the house?”

Loki regarded him suspiciously but his tone was cordial enough. “It’s lovely. Quite the luxurious accommodation for those on the run.”

“Yeah, well, this is why I travel with people with serious resources,” said Sam, leaning back against the kitchen counter and folding his arms. “Pretty sure sooner or later we’ll end up in a villa, if I’m lucky.”

“This is probably pretty much as nice as it’ll get,” said Steve.

“Let a man dream.”

Loki smiled, relaxing a little, and Steve was once again relieved at how completely _likeable_ Sam was.

Sam turned to Steve. “Anyway, I don’t mean to intrude.”

“You’re not -“

“Yeah, whatever. Just getting snacks. But anyway, Nat wanted me to ask whether you want anything grocery-wise. You know you’re meant to actually check your phone, right?”

Ah, shoot. “I’m good, thanks. I can text Nat.”

“Uh huh.” Sam turned to the cupboard and took out a bag of chips. “Me and Wanda are having a nice movie night so you’d better not disturb us, do you hear?”

Steve rolled his eyes just as Sam turned back around.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, scout boy,” he said in mock warning, before heading to the door. “Nice meeting you, Loki. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around. And remember to behave yourselves, kids. Don’t burn down the house.”

They watched him go before Steve turned to Loki, who had been watching the whole exchange with considerable amusement.

“One sec, I need to grab my phone.”

“I won’t burn anything down.”

“Uh huh,” said Steve as he left.

* * *

“Maybe we should talk to Tony about this,” said Natasha.

Steve almost let go of the glass he was holding. “You can’t be serious.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I don’t mean about your little tryst with Loki. I was thinking more about all he’s told you, about the infinity stones and the guy who’s after them.”

“What could he do?”

“I dunno. Tony’s smart, he might figure out some smart solution.”

Steve considered it. “I kinda feel like this might be out of his league.”

“Doesn’t that make it out of our league too?”

“Yeah, it does.”

Natasha’s eyebrows flew up. “I hope Loki isn’t affecting you with that cheery disposition of his.”

“It’s not about him… Well, of course it is about him, but it’s about what he says rather than how he says it. Does that make any sense?”

Natasha shrugged.

“But if there are threats out there that big… I just wonder sometimes what the hell we’re supposed to do about it.”

“I seem to recall threats too big for the Avengers was the rationale behind Tony creating Ultron.”

“Tony thinks he can solve any problem if he just thinks about it a bit more. Which is what you want him to do, right?”

“I guess I wouldn’t complain if he came up with some universe-saving machine or whatever.”

“Neither would I. But he doesn’t even want to do that stuff any more, right? Wasn’t that what all the Accords stuff was about?”

Natasha sighed. “Steve, have you actually read the Accords? Like, start to finish?”

“Yeah, I have,” said Steve, neglecting to mention it was _after_ the mess in Siberia.

“Tony didn’t think he - or we - should carry all the responsibility. And for the record, I still think he has a point.”

“So that means…”

“That means he’d want to help. It’s his universe too, remember.”

Steve frowned, thinking hard. “D’you think we could pass on information through Wanda?”

“It’s an option. Of course, he needn’t even know it came from us if we did it right.”

Natasha said it in a calm, matter-of-fact way but it made Steve uncomfortable. It was so… underhanded.

“Wanda would have to reestablish contact with Vision, anyway.”

“Yeah. I’d prefer it if we didn’t do so while we’re in Budapest. But we’ll have to leave sooner or later anyway.”

Steve didn’t say so, but he couldn’t help hoping it was later.

* * *

Loki snuggled against Steve. It was the kind of peace he had believed was out of his reach not too long, courtesy of one of the worst enemies he had ever faced. How ironic.

“Where do you go?” asked Steve, turning his head slightly so that he was looking at Loki, even though he could not make much out through all the stringy hair.

“Beg your pardon?”

“When you leave here… What business do you have to attend to?”

Loki turned his head too so that he looked up at Steve with shining eyes and a smile dancing through his thin lips. “Why, Rogers, would you like to proposition even more of my time?”

“Yeah, I would,” said Steve.

Loki looked delighted, before sighing a touch wistfully. “I’m afraid I’ve backed myself into a bit of a corner. Taken on a job in a fit of pique that I don’t have much interest in doing that also frequently traps me in a place I despise.”

“That’s vague.”

“Hmm… It’ll have to stay that way.”

“So why don’t you just quit?”

“I wish I could,” said Loki, sounding quite earnest. “But I haven’t figured out how to do so in a way that would allow me to still have my freedom. It’ll end sooner or later, anyway.”

“Why don’t you tell Thor you’re still alive? I’m sure he’d help you.”

Loki grinned. “Oh, I’m sure he’d _help_ me, all right.”

This was clearly funny to Loki but Steve had no idea what he meant.

“Still, you seem to be able to sneak away from this _job_ of yours quite a lot.”

“Benefits of being me,” said Loki, shifting slightly so that he was pressed even more tightly against Steve.

* * *

Steve and Loki entered the house. They had walked barely three steps before Loki stopped and stiffened slightly, staring at the couch.

“Hello, boys,” said Natasha without looking up from her laptop. She was sprawled on the couch, looking perfectly relaxed like her former enemy hadn’t just wandered through the door.

“Hey, Nat,” said Steve.

“Agent Romanoff,” said Loki, tension receding a little.

Natasha looked up. “Not much of an agent any more. You’re not the only one who’s changed around here.”

“Clearly. How does retirement suit you?”

She gestured a touch mockingly at their domestic surroundings. “This look like retirement to you?”

Loki snorted.

“Hey Steve,” said Natasha. “Just to let you know, T’Challa called when you were out.”

“What about?” asked Steve, tensing immediately even though rationally he knew that if something bad had happened, Natasha would have said so immediately.

“Don’t worry, it’s good news. He just said they’re doing good progress at getting all that junk out of Barnes’ head, now that everything’s calmed down a bit again. Thought you should know.”

“Oh. Good.”

“Well, then, don’t let me detain you,” she said with a sly grin. “Have fun.”

* * *

“This Barnes. I assume you still don’t wish to speak of him?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t mind as much now.”

Loki lay down on the bed, stretching out before putting his hands behind his head. They had just left Natasha to go upstairs to Steve’s room. “He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“But he was taken prisoner.”

“By HYDRA, yeah. They brainwashed him, used him as an assassin. But he’s getting better now.”

“An assassin, hmm? For as moral a person as you, you do attract some interesting friends.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” said Steve, defensive in spite of himself.

“If you say so,” said Loki in a neutral tone. “Still, I can’t imagine that’s an easy thing to recover from.”

“No, it isn’t. But there are people helping him now.”

“You still have friends in the world, then.”

“Plenty,” said Steve. Yeah, right.

“Hmm. Must be comforting.”

Something about the way he said it made Steve a little uneasy, but before he could answer there was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” said Steve as Loki sat up.

Wanda opened the door and peeked through. “Hey, I’m about to order pizza if you -“ She stopped when she saw Loki and stayed frozen for a moment before smiling. “So you’re Loki, huh? Can’t believe I’m finally meeting Steve’s boyfriend.”

Steve glared at her but even as he did so he could see Loki in the corner of his eye looking unmistakably pleased. Huh, indeed.

Wanda stepped into the room proper and extended a hand, Loki standing up to greet her. “I’m Wanda, one of Steve’s merry band of renegades.”

They shook hands.

Loki raised his eyebrows at Steve. “Is that an official name, or -“

“No, it very much isn’t,” said Steve who had listened to far too many stupid replacement names for the Avengers featuring everything from ‘Cap’s Crew’ to ‘Iceplay’.

“It’s still under consideration,” said Wanda. “So, Loki, I hear you do magic. That’s pretty cool.”

Loki looked at her in surprise. “It is?”

“Totally,” said Wanda, neglecting to mention her own powers. She looked at Steve. “Pizza?”

“Eh…” Steve glanced at Loki. “Yeah, okay.”

“Any preference?” asked Wanda, turning to Loki.

Loki looked a little out of his depth so Steve jumped in.

“Have you ever had pizza before?”

Loki shook his head.

“Then just take your favourite,” said Wanda to Steve. “New York Pizza fine by you?”

Steve coughed in an embarrassed way even though he wasn’t sure why he should be. “Yeah, thanks.”

“See you in a bit,” said Wanda and left.

* * *

Loki came and went as he pleased those next few weeks, his movements still irregular and erratic. But whenever he showed up at their doorstep or in Steve’s room, his heart could not help but jump. They roamed the city, ate together and, when Steve was lucky, spent the night together. It was almost too good to be true, and Steve felt they both knew it could hardly last. That didn’t make it any less thrilling. The others got used to having Loki around, and while they might not be exactly comfortable with it, they didn’t seem to mind.

Steve still asked his questions, which Loki responded to with various degrees of irritation and resignation. But even Steve could only take so much doom and gloom, which was generally what Loki’s answers entailed. So for much of the time, he guiltily let himself forget the future.

Loki gradually opened up more easily to Steve. Not just about what he _needed_ to know. But also about what he wanted to find out. Steve couldn’t help but feel a little honoured, even as he wondered whether Loki had simply not had the chance to talk honestly to anyone else. Whether he had not met anyone who was willing to listen.

So Steve did end up telling him of his childhood like Loki had asked for in the café. Of his friends and family and the games they used to play and the adventures he used to have, even when they could hardly be called that. Loki enjoyed hearing even the silliest and simplest things. And in return, he got snippets of Loki’s life, little glimpses of centuries worth of excitement and mystery. Personally, he found them way more interesting than anything Steve had to offer, but the Asgardian seemed to disagree.

Still, when the conversations returned - as they habitually would - to what Steve _needed_ to know, his questions still had the power to provoke anger. Those exchanges rang of the barely hidden resentment of someone who would prefer not to think of the ugly things of the world outside. Not that Steve could blame him, but…

“How will he attack, when he comes for the mind stone?” asked Steve one afternoon.

Loki scowled. “How in Bor’s name should I know that?”

“You know the guy. Will he do something like…”

“When I attacked? I don’t know. I could imagine he takes a more direct approach.”

“You _weren’t_ a direct approach?”

Loki made an irritable sound. “Do we really have to discuss this the whole time? I come to you for distractions, not for this constant interrogating.”

“You’ll just have to live with it. I’m not going to just stand by to watch some tyrant get unlimited power.”

“And you might have to live with him getting what he wants,” said Loki. “I wonder if you’re capable of that. Accepting defeat.”

“No,” said Steve with quite some vehemence.

Loki considered him with a frown. “I’ve made you angry. That wasn’t my intention.”

Surprisingly close to an apology, that was. Steve found it really hard to remain angry at Loki when he made that pouty expression. Damn it, when had this guy managed to worm himself into Steve’s heart so successfully? How had he let it happen?

There was no helping it.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Steve with a sigh.

Loki’s face lit up and he took this reprieve as a chance to do with Steve as he pleased.

* * *

“Have a chocolate roll,” said Natasha when they entered the house from another trip out.

Loki couldn’t quite suppress his surprise. He still took one when offered as did Steve, holding it delicately between thumb and index figure even while eyeing it with a touch of suspicion.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t poisoned it.”

“I’ll just take your word for that, shall I,” said Loki dryly.

Natasha snorted. “Good point. But I will say that it would very much be worth it. Death by chocolate roll isn’t the worst way to go.”

Loki looked convinced by this and he nibbled at the pastry before his expression morphed into one of unmistakable delight. He unrolled it somewhat and tore a piece off like Natasha had done before plopping it in his mouth.

Natasha watched him with a great deal of amusement. She turned to Steve. “See? I told you these things were magic.”

“And not poisoned,” Steve added.

“Could be a slow-working poison,” said Loki but was still focused on the roll.

Sam wandered in and plucked a roll from the bag. “Ooh, breakfast,” he said.

Steve checked his phone. It was 2 PM.

“Your eating habits disturb me,” muttered Natasha.

“Well it’s like my mum always told me, breakfast’s the least important meal of the day.”

“That woman has a lot to answer for.”

Loki had finished his roll and was eyeing the bag more than a little hungrily.

Natasha noticed, and held out the bag. “Here, take another one. Otherwise Sam will devour them all in seconds.”

“Hey,” complained Sam but Loki accepted without too much hesitation. “Do I get another one too?”

“No,” said Natasha, closing the bag and holding it tightly like Sam might snatch it away if she wasn’t careful. “Last one’s for Wanda.”

As if hearing her name, Wanda came in at that moment. Natasha handed her the last roll.

“Great! Breakfast,” said Wanda as she took it.

Natasha groaned. Steve saw that Loki was smiling through his roll.

* * *

They lay on Steve’s bed next to each other, enjoying their view of the sun slowly setting through the window.

“Why did you thank me, the first time we kissed?” asked Steve. It was something he had been wondering about for a while.

Loki’s answer came without much hesitation. “Because people like you aren’t meant to kiss creatures like me.”

“You’re not a creature.”

“That’s kind of you to say, but it’s hardly relevant.”

It _was_ relevant, but he wasn’t sure whether there was any point to arguing.

Loki’s tongue licked his lips as he gazed at Steve, seemingly quite distracted from the lovely sunset outside. “I was surprised you didn’t push me away.”

Steve shrugged. “I wanted to. But I wasn’t quite able to.”

“You weren’t, were you?” He rolled onto Steve, still lighter than he might have expected and soft in a way he would never have guessed at. Breathing on Steve’s face, he regarded him intently. “Did you feel guilty?”

“Yeah, at first.”

“What changed?”

“I was told that I am allowed to have fun.”

Loki laughed, the light sound pleasing Steve. “Who do I have to thank for that particular pearl of wisdom?”

“Eh… All of them, really. Natasha, Wanda, Sam…”

He cocked his head to one side. “Romanoff advised you to be with me?”

“If that’s what I want. She’s a good friend.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Steve realised with a brief stab of discomfort that he was probably referring to what Clint and what Natasha herself had told him. He pushed the thought away for now.

“Still, the greater mystery is what you’d want from some human.”

“You’re hardly _some human_ , are you?”

“Maybe not.” Steve shifted around slightly and put one hand behind his head even while Loki grumbled in protest at the sudden movement. “But you’re still… I don’t think open is the right word but… not closed.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I asked you a whole bunch of questions you had no reason to answer. But you did. The Loki I remember wouldn’t have wanted to look vulnerable.”

“Probably not,” he conceded.

“So what’s changed?”

“A lot of time to think. First in my cell, then… after. Sometimes it’s only once you get what you want that you start wondering why you wanted it in the first place.”

“And what’s that exactly?”

“Freedom,” said Loki after a moment’s hesitation. Steve had an odd sense that there was something he wasn’t saying. “For the first time in all my life, I haven’t had to answer to my family.”

“You mean Thor?”

“To him, yes, and to my parents. Or, the people I thought were my parents, I suppose.”

Steve frowned and a memory tugged at him all the way back from the helicarrier. _He’s adopted_. “So… Are you… um… adopted?”

“Has Thor never informed you of my true parentage?” asked Loki quite lightly. “Why would he, I suppose… Hmm, yes. Well, it was quite the revelation. The king - the man who I called father - had never told me, you see.”

“That sounds… bad,” said Steve, not quite sure what to say.

“It was all for my own good, of course. That’s what I was told. I’m sure Thor still believes it.”

“So it wasn’t?”

Loki gave him a thin smile as he fiddled with Steve’s collar. “Odin is a compulsive liar. The reasons he gives for those lies vary but they do tend to be very much in his own interest. But of course, my subsequent actions ended up justifying that lie to himself. And to Thor, I’m sure.”

“I would have thought you’d be more bitter.”

“Oh, I am. Deeply,” said Loki with relish, yet his eyes twinkled. “But it’s like I said: I’ve had time. And at some point I need to decide for myself whether I am going to be trapped by the past. Perhaps you are a good influence in that regard.”

Steve blinked. “I am?”

“You have every right to be bitter. The world has hardly been kind to you, has it? Yet you’re still committed to doing good.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“I’m sure it isn’t. That’s one of the things I do appreciate about you - you’re hardly simple. I can’t imagine how tortuous the choices you have to make must be, yet you still refuse to shy away from them.”

Steve shifted again, yet every time he did so Loki seemed to lean even more into his body, clearly quite content to remain perched on top of him. “You’re definitely giving me too much credit.”

“Hmm. Or perhaps I simply enjoy watching you blush.”

Of course, that made even more colour rise to Steve’s cheeks, making Loki laugh.

“So did you ever find out? Who your biological parents were?”

At that Loki’s expression darkened, and Steve could not help but curse himself for asking the question. Of course, he _had_ to bring up another sensitive subject now. Nicely done.

Still, Loki didn’t roll off him.

“I did, yes,” said Loki evenly. “It’s quite the funny story, actually. You see, I never came from Asgard at all - instead, I belong to the frost giants. A people Thor and I were raised to hate.”

Steve’s mouth opened in an ‘o’ shape and he was pretty sure he had heard few things less funny in his life. “But… why?”

“Why did Odin take me in? Or why did we learn to hate them? The first question… Well, it was to forge a lasting peace between our two people. That never came to pass, of course… Making me rather the useless tool. As to the second point, everyone hated them. It was just what we did. Surely you have such things on Earth.”

“We do…”

“But?”

“I guess I would have hoped things’d be better. You know, in space.” Well, that sounded foolish.

But Loki’s expression softened. “Nothing is better up there. Merely bigger.”

Steve was tempted to argue with him, but considering what Loki had been through it struck him as more than a little crass to do so. Instead, he said, “Lucky you get to have some rest down here, then.”

Clearly, the right answer. Loki lowered his head just a bit to kiss Steve with a wild passion unusual even for him. They both kept their eyes open, gazing into the other’s as they held each other.

* * *

“Can you talk to Natasha?” Wanda was asking just as Steve entered the living room. Both she and Sam looked up. They were sitting on the couch and had been talking quietly.

“What about?” asked Steve as he settled down in the armchair opposite to them.

Wanda looked a bit uncomfortable. “Nothing important.”

“Wanda…”

She sighed. “It’s just… I’d like to see Vis again. Or at least be in contact with him. Would the world really explode if I called him?”

“You think Stark couldn’t trace it?” said Sam, his arms folded as he leaned back into the couch.

“Vis wouldn’t let him.”

“He’s pretty loyal.”

Wanda scowled. “He’s also loyal to _me_. Besides, it’s not like Stark has put much effort into chasing us. The only people we really have to worry about work for governments, and we can evade those.”

“Maybe, but that might mean we have to run again,” said Steve. His life in Budapest had become… comfortable. How closely was that sentiment matched by his friends?

“Maybe we should be running,” said Wanda. “Let’s face it - we’re not doing any good here. Are we just meant to cower away in this house until we rot?”

“What d’you want us to do?” asked Sam. “We’ve been coasting of Nat’s old contacts, trying to do something useful here or there. Always only half a step in front of the government. Maybe we’ve achieved some pretty good things, stopped an arms dealer here or there or continued our regular HYDRA clean-up. But it’s not the type of thing governments couldn’t be doing themselves.”

“You think we should turn ourselves in?” asked Wanda, anger slipping into her voice.

Sam shook his head. “That’s not what I said at all. I just don’t think we should be throwing ourselves at danger for the heck of it just because we want to feel useful. There’s big stuff out there - we all know that. And that’ll come.”

“I don’t see why that means I can’t see Vis.”

“You can’t contact him here, for sure,” said Steve. “This is the closest to a _proper_ safe house we’ve ever had.”

“Then we can leave. Steve, I know it’s been great for you here… But I’m tired. I know I shouldn’t complain, given everything, but most days I’m just locked up in this stupid house without anything to alleviate the boredom. And I read and watch movies and I know I should be able to occupy myself… But it’s slowly driving me nuts. I can’t help it.”

Steve shifted in his armchair.

“That’s to be expected,” said Sam. “If you want, we can go out more often.”

Wanda bit her lip. “I feel even more nervous outside, so it doesn’t really help. Since we’re not meant to use the photostatic veils except for in emergencies… I’m sorry. I really am. But this place is starting to feel like a prison.”

 _Confinement anxieties_ , Sam might say. No wonder…

“You know what,” said Steve suddenly, an idea coming to his mind that was either good or ridiculously insane, “I wonder whether we couldn’t ask Loki to help with that. Going out without driving myself mad worrying about being seen has been pretty good for my sanity. It’d be a big favour, but… It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?”

Two very surprised faces stared back at him.

“You do know you’re crazy, right?” asked Sam, but without any malice.

“If he’s up for it, I’d be up for it,” said Wanda, smiling in a way that actually reached her eyes. “But even _if_ by some miracle he says yes, I _haven’t_ forgotten about Vision.”

* * *

“So…” said Steve. “I kind of have a favour to ask you about.”

Loki gave him his typical raised-eyebrows look, inviting him to continue. Steve was properly curious to see how he’d react.

“Wanda’s been kind of… stressed out by being cooped up in here,” started Steve, carefully watching Loki. “I was wondering whether you’d mind… well, I guess using your magic so that she could walk around the city without worrying. We do have technology that hides our face, but we don’t have that many to spare… And it would really help her; she’s had a few not-so-great experiences with being… eh… not being able to move freely, I guess, before…” He trailed off, not quite sure how to finish. “It’s just an idea.”

Whatever Loki had been expecting, it clearly hadn’t been this. His brow furrowed as he regarded Steve. Eventually - “A favour, hmm?”

“Yeah. It’d be a pretty big one.”

“And would your other friends like something like that too?”

“Eh… Probably. Possibly. I haven’t asked. Wanda definitely needs it the most, but I’m pretty sure everyone could do with just having some tourist-y fun, you know.”

Loki stared at him a little longer, then his face spread into a slow grin. “It’s been quite some time since humans have requested _favours_ from me.” He cocked his head to one side. “I like it. Hmm. Illusions passed on to others can be rather fickle things. If your friend wants to go to the centre of the city, it might be best for me to accompany her.”

This time, Steve was blindsided. He almost resisted the proposal out of hand, his protectiveness of Wanda flaring. But that didn’t make sense of course. If anyone stood a chance against Loki, it was obviously her. Not that Loki had to know that, necessarily.

“You’d really be willing to go sight-seeing with her?”

“She is your friend,” said Loki with a shrug. “Consider me curious. Besides, it seems a fair repayment for how willingly your friends have opened their home to me.”

“It’d be a favour, not repayment,” said Steve, for some reason quite keen to stress that. “I’ll have to check with her… Well, guess I might as well do that now. If that’s fine by you?”

A nod.

As it turned out, it very much _was_ fine with Wanda. They agreed that Loki would pick her up in the morning two days from now and accompany her wherever she wanted to go. Wanda could barely keep her enthusiasm contained and Loki looked like he was trying to hide how much her reaction pleased him.

This differed rather strongly from Natasha’s response.

“Did no one feel fit to tell me about this?” she hissed.

“I am telling you,” said Steve, trying not to sound guilty. “Right now.”

“I didn’t even know this was under discussion!”

“It’s just a trip,” said Wanda.

“With Loki!”

“Feel like we’re kinda past that point, Nat,” said Sam.

It struck Steve as a reminder of just how protective Natasha herself was of Wanda, even if she rarely made a point of it.

Natasha scowled at all of them. “This is stupid, and you should all feel stupid.” Then she rounded on Wanda. “You had better keep that phone on. If I message you and don’t get a reply in under a minute, you will regret it. If I call you, you had better pick up immediately. And you do _not_ stay out too late, and don’t do anything even _more_ stupid. Is that understood?”

Wanda nodded. She was still grinning.

* * *

Somehow, it all worked out fine. They left, Steve quietly worried while Natasha loudly worried, they came back. Wanda looked like a new person, positively shining. Loki was in an unusually good mood, even for this new and chipper post-New York person. Wanda was still telling them about where she had gone for a week later, completely ignoring Natasha’s stony expression and Sam’s repressed jealousy whenever she started. The one thing Steve had no clue about was what they had discussed that entire day. Not that it didn’t make him ridiculously curious. But this all seemed good and as uncomplicated as anything in his life had been in… forever.

And, somehow, it became a thing. A trip to a nice pizzeria with Sam and Wanda, an ice cream in broad daylight with Natasha and Steve. And it was ridiculous and probably more than a little stupid. Could they reinforce their status as criminals more obviously than accepting favours from the destroyer of New York? Loki didn’t seem to mind and even he and Natasha seemed to grow more comfortable around each other. Though one or both of them could be faking it and the chances of Steve figuring it out would be negligible.

Maybe it wasn’t that strange, really. They were all part of an absurd, shared life that sometimes felt so far away from the real world the rest of Earth inhabited. And in the end, it would probably be them who would have to fight the approaching threats to the entire universe. Even Loki. Or was that just wishful thinking?

He still wondered sometimes what Thor and Tony and Clint and everyone else would think. What Bucky might say, how Fury would react. But less often. There was no point to it, really. This couldn’t last forever, so he should just enjoy it while it did.

* * *

Steve had grown particularly fond of the quiet evenings they shared together. Sometimes, he would read as Loki lay next to him. Sometimes, Loki would read too, oddly fascinated by mortals’ writings. Steve got the sense Loki enjoyed them more than he would admit. They talked and they lay together, enjoying each other’s presence before Loki invariably took his leave.

It was on such an evening that Steve summoned up the courage to ask another question that he had been wondering about. Loki was curled up in Steve’s lap, quite content to lie there as the other read.

Steve looked up from his book to ask his question. “Do you wish you were still on Asgard? I mean, before all this started?”

There wasn’t a response for a while and Steve wondered whether Loki had fallen asleep on his lap. “I don’t miss it, I don’t think,” said Loki. “I hated my life back then. Considering everything that’s happened since, everything I’ve done, maybe I should want to go back… But it all feels so distant now. Like a dream I was always going to wake up from.”

“I get that.”

“I thought you might. But it’s odd, isn’t it? I’ve done so much in the last seven odd years, probably more than in the preceding seven centuries. The repeated confrontation with my own mortality, I suppose.”

“Hmm. Especially with all the stuff you told me approaching. Kinda makes me wonder why you’re wasting your time here.”

“Hardly wasting my time. A little rest before the coming war,” said Loki. “Sometimes, that’s all we can hope for.”

“If the end of days are really coming, don’t you think you should maybe reconcile with your brother?” asked Steve, flicking a page one-handed with a little difficulty with his other hand on Loki’s back.

Loki yawned. “Don’t test me, Rogers.”

“You know, I think we’re probably at a first-name stage now.”

There was a pause, then Loki wriggled around slightly so that he could look up at Steve’s face. “You’d prefer it if I call you Steve?” he asked with a faintly mischievous smile. Was it really the first time Loki had used that name? He couldn’t suppress a small shiver and watched Loki’s smile widen.

“Well, I call you Loki, not…” He paused.

“Laufeyson, I suppose. Or possibly Odinson.” He gave a non-committal sort of shrug, his shoulders rubbing against Steve’s thighs. “You do have a point. Steve, then.”

Steve ran a hand through that dark, surprisingly silky hair. “You shouldn’t be so pessimistic about the future.”

“I’ve known my days were numbered for quite some time,” said Loki, sounding far too resigned.

“You’ve escaped death before.”

“I’ve delayed it. That’s all any of us can do, really. But in my case, it’s a certainty.”

“And why’s that?”

“I failed,” said Loki simply. He didn’t look bitter as he stared up at Steve, but he grabbed at Steve’s hand and snuggled it close to his chest, closing his eyes. “Read to me, Steve.”

A part of Steve wanted to push him further but… he wasn’t about to challenge Loki on matters he was ignorant of. He sighed slightly as he awkwardly reopened the book.

* * *

Steve did not hear Loki come in. He had been sitting in the small sitting room past the kitchen, waiting for Loki and Sam to come back from a pizza run. Something so… normal, making it all the more absurd.

He was in the middle of what he had learnt to refer to as a ‘guilty pleasure’. Well, most people probably wouldn’t refer to Google Maps as a guilty pleasure. But it was, for him. Because it allowed him to wander through Brooklyn’s streets as if he were there, staring at the laptop screen like it was a portal.

He shouldn’t miss it so much. He hadn’t lived there properly for many years, after all. Yet the last few years, he always _could_ visit it when he wanted to. And now it was so far away. And that… hurt, more than it should.

“I _am_ sorry.”

Steve jerked around to find Loki looking over his shoulder with an odd expression. He hadn’t even heard the guy approach and had to recover from a small heart attack before answering.

“Could you _not_ do that?”

“What?”

“Sneak up on me. Jeez,” he said, running a hand through his hair. Then he remembered Loki’s first words. “Wait, what are you sorry about?” He must have seen the map - it felt weird, like he had been caught doing something wrong, which was _ridiculous_ of course but -

“About devastating your city.”

Steve blinked several times. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t this. “Um…”

Sam made a loud clanking sound in the kitchen, presumably in the process of cutting the pizzas. Steve turned sharply, before looking back at Loki who was still standing over him.

Loki sighed. “You don’t have to - shouldn’t, in all likelihood - accept the apology. After all, it does no one any good. But after everything… it struck me as churlish to withhold it.”

“Thanks,” said Steve. “I mean - Come on, sit.” Loki did so, settling onto the couch next to him. “It’s good of you to say. I’m not sure whether it’s my place to accept it…”

Loki inclined his head slightly. “I understand. But still - it was not just any Midgardian settlement. It was _yours_.”

“That apology I can accept,” said Steve earnestly. “And seriously… thanks for offering it. It does - um - mean a lot to me.”

“Pizza’s ready!” shouted Sam.

That kind of ruined the moment. Not that it hadn’t been a little awkward… But when they stood up and walked over to the kitchen, it did feel like they had shared something important. Steve didn’t feel too embarrassed that Loki had seen his homesickness. And Loki had made amends - even if just in a very small way - without it being asked of him.

Still, Steve couldn’t help but wish they’d met in another way.

* * *

Sometimes, Loki would humour his questions with more than barely disguised irritation, and in those moments it was clear to Steve how much thought he’d put into all this. When Loki would in fact ask questions himself. It was nice, to think that maybe he hadn’t given up as much as he said.

It was on such an occasion that Loki seemed especially interested in the one stone Steve did actually know a little more about - mind. And in particular the guy who possessed it.

“It’s powering the robot, you say?”

“Not… It’s kind of complicated. He has a body of vibranium… Eh, it’s an… advanced type of metal, or something.” Or something indeed. “And artificial intelligence - it’s got Tony’s AI in it, Jarvis. And the mind stone is like… the last component.” He shrugged a little helplessly. “Like I said, complicated.”

Loki lifted his head from Steve’s shoulder to raise his eyebrows at him. “I’ll take your word for it.” He took Steve’s hand, lightly holding it. “And this… carrier of the mind stone, he is not part of your group.”

It wasn’t a question, but Steve answered anyway. “No.”

“With Stark, then? I wonder how that came about.” He rubbed Steve’s fingers between his own, clearly thinking hard. “Hmm. I don’t suppose you have anyone in your little band who is close to the robot?”

“He has a name. Vision.”

A snort. “And who came up with that stunningly creative choice? Let me guess - it’s based on the astute observation that the robot does indeed have eyes.”

Steve groaned. “Hilarious. Pretty sure your brother came up with it, you know.”

“That’d explain it.”

He struggled to suppress a smile - Thor was his friend, after all. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, it would be a good idea to keep a close watch on him, wouldn’t you think? Any offensive on your world would surely start with him.”

Steve thought of Wanda, whose relationship with Vision Loki couldn’t possibly know about. Unless she had told him about it herself, he supposed. “Yeah, I think we could figure something out.”

“Excellent. Of course, even with your formidable skills, you might struggle to protect him…” Loki frowned. “I have heard tell of an ally of yours who has gained some form of power from the sceptre.”

“How… Never mind. Yeah, I know someone like that. Why?”

“I can’t help but wonder… It’s not something I’ve heard of in that form before. But it would make sense, wouldn’t it, if only an energy that comes from one of the stones itself could be in turn used to destroy it?”

Steve frowned too. “You mean… Wanda could destroy the mind stone?”

“Ah, so it _is_ Wanda, then? How very interesting. But in short, I don’t know. I have attempted to use mirroring spells to redirect a stone’s energy back at itself, but never with much success. But then my power doesn’t come from that stone, does it?”

“Wait a moment. You’ve tried to destroy one of the stones?”

Loki shrugged, causing Steve’s whole body to vibrate with him. “Just experiments. You can’t collect all six stones if there are no longer six, right?”

“Yeah. That’s smart.”

“I have my moments,” said Loki dryly. “But again, I could imagine that Wanda might have more success than I did. Only with the mind stone, of course.”

Steve grimaced. “It’s a good idea, but it’d end up killing Vision.”

Loki looked up at him in evident confusion. “So?”

“So we can’t do that. We can’t kill him just to destroy the stone too.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed. “You do understand the meaning of ‘universe-ending threat’, do you not?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can sacrifice someone’s life.”

“To save the universe? One life against all those you could save? The maths isn’t hard.”

“Lives aren’t math!”

Loki stared at him but anger faded into a mix of exasperation and something approaching fondness. “It’s hardly my decision, though I would remind you that all the people you care about also happen to live in this universe.” Before Steve could retort, Loki shook his head. “It might not be my decision, but I’m not sure it’s yours either. Isn’t this really a matter for the witch and her robot?”

“Wanda and Vision,” Steve corrected wearily. “What do you mean?”

“Well, the only one with this power is Wanda. Neither of us can force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. But isn’t that a choice she deserves to know about?”

“What, you want me to tell her?”

“I think she - and Vision - should be aware that it is an option. Perhaps once they see this threat for themselves, they will make a different decision than the one you would.”

Steve scowled. “I don’t want Wanda to have to make that choice.”

“And yet she will have to. You can’t protect her from that.”

“She’s still a -“ Steve broke off, remembering his conversations with his friends.

Loki was watching him with an oddly understanding expression. “You can’t take all of the responsibilities of this universe for yourself. After all, what would the rest of us do with our time?”

He couldn’t help but smile a little. “Relax. Maybe play a couple of board games.”

“Hmm. Sounds dreadful.”

“Does it?”

Loki shrugged as a smile flickered across his face. “I guess I’m just not used to not having to constantly fear for my life.”

“Tell me about it,” said Steve with feeling.

“I do wish I could protect you from those who want to harm you,” said Loki, sounding surprisingly sincere.

“Hmm. But then, what would I do with my time?”

Loki pounced on him and kissed him as if he had just been waiting for the excuse. Even as he laughed a little, Steve fell back, his head landing squarely on the pillow. For now, thoughts of Wanda and Vision and the stone and the universe slid out of his mind. He’d worry about that later.

* * *

When Steve took aside and told Wanda about what Loki had said, her expression of horror threatened to break his heart.

“Do you think he’s right?” she asked in what was almost a whisper.

“I don’t know,” said Steve. “And I don’t think it should even be an option. But Loki feels… and I agree that it wouldn’t be fair to you to keep it a secret.”

“Not fair?” Her voice was no longer a whisper, instead rising steadily in volume and intensity. “How is any of this _fair_? Just once…” The echoes of her parents, her home, her brother hung heavily in the room. “I can’t lose him, Steve. I can’t.”

“No one’s asking you to. This is just… an idea. Not even that, it’s speculation. Look, we don’t even have to focus on that bit. More importantly, if it’s a good idea for us to keep an eye on the mind stone we should definitely work on reestablishing contact with Vision. That’s good, right?” The determination in his voice was quickly fading to desperation.

Wanda looked forlorn, but nodded. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

They both knew how weak it sounded.

But how do you even begin to deal with something like that? Everywhere they turned was another reminder that any happiness they managed to find was fleeting. And a lot of the time, they could fight through that. But sometimes… it hurt.

Loki didn’t say anything to Wanda, even if he seemed to watch her a little more closely. For her part, Wanda tried to not act strangely around him. She stressed again and again to Steve that she knew this wasn’t Loki’s fault, that she appreciated him wanting her to know… But she didn’t bring it up around him.

They all knew, however. Steve had to inform Natasha and Sam and saw his own grim expression reflected back at him twice over. So they began to discuss the best way to go about reaching out to Vision. Natasha suggested a place she knew in Denmark. This was now a greater priority than any other possible missions they could undertake, that much was clear. Slowly, they began making preparations, even though Wanda was less eager than she would have been at any other time. Like the thought of seeing Vision again now terrified her. And who could blame her?

* * *

“She can’t have reacted well,” said Loki a few days later.

“No, she didn’t. I would prefer it if you didn’t bring it up around her.”

“Of course,” he said, looking contemplative. “I hope you know it brings me no pleasure, the thought of her having to do kill someone she cares for.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I like her.”

Loki professing his like for a human? Well, there was another something he wouldn’t have thought possible all too long ago.

But Steve didn’t say that. “So do I,” he replied instead. “We all do.”

“What a peculiar fortune, to have to bear a burden as heavy as the fate of the universe.”

That thought didn’t bring him much joy. “Does she really… Man, how I wish you were exaggerating.”

“So do I.”

“You’re not, are you?”

Loki did not take the question badly, instead simply shaking his head.

“If so much darkness is coming, don’t you want to… run from it?”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I could, in the same way you could.”

“No, you couldn’t.” Loki wrapped Steve closer as he hugged him from behind, propping his head on Steve’s shoulder. “But to answer your question, I have considered it. There are… holes in the universe, where lost things go. Where only those who are _truly_ lost end up. Maybe, if I could slip through one of those… And then maybe nothing could find me.”

“So why don’t you run?”

“I’m not ready to make that leap,” said Loki. “To get lost is to… fall. And I’m too afraid for that. If I did manage to one day, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to come back.”

It was the first time Loki admitted that he was afraid.

Loki seemed to know what he was thinking. “If things were different, maybe I wouldn’t tell you any of this. But there’s no time to waste, is there?”

“Did you give me all that information so easily because you thought it wouldn’t matter?”

Loki nipped at Steve’s ear before answering. “The thought did occur. Although if you _did_ end up using the information I provided to stop calamity, I’d hardly be complaining. Besides, I can’t help but love an eager audience.”

“Is that what I am?”

“I’d certainly call you eager,” murmured Loki.

Before he could go any further, Steve stopped him even as he laughed. “Answer the question, jeez.”

“You and your bloody questions,” said Loki, very much refusing to back off. “You’re a good listener. A dangerous skill in the right hands. And if I’m going to tell my sorry tale to someone, might as well be you, right? Although I have acquired quite a few audiences since my supposed death…”

Steve had no idea what that meant. In the middle of his usual struggle to try and concentrate as Loki tried his hardest to distract him, another kind of obvious question came to him. “Okay, but if you’d quite like to see the universe continue on, shouldn’t you really speak to Thor?”

Loki groaned as his hands wandered down Steve’s waist. “Steve. Please.”

“I’m being serious,” said Steve, slapping lightly at Loki’s hands. “If anyone could actually _do_ something, surely it would be him.”

“By throwing himself headlong at the problem. The only thing that’d achieve is getting himself killed.”

Steve turned his head to look at Loki. “You’re trying to protect him,” he said, not able to keep a hint of surprise out of his voice.

“Hardly. I just don’t want him messing things up like he always does,” said Loki.

Well, that was a little too defensive.

“Shouldn’t Thor be able to decide for himself? Isn’t this a threat he _deserves_ to know about?”

“Very droll,” said Loki, sounding exasperated. “But the difference is that Wanda could actually do something productive, which I’m not sure is true for Thor. Not that I haven’t been looking into it.”

“Is this guy really so powerful not even Thor could defeat him?” asked Steve. It was a scary notion.

“Thor’s problem is that he’s _never_ been beaten at full strength. He’s never faced a problem that couldn’t be fixed with hitting it with his stupid hammer hard enough. Until that happens, he’s woefully unprepared for what is to come. When it does happen, it’ll probably be his end. Why not let him have his fun for now?”

“You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you,” muttered Steve.

“That’s what I have you for,” said Loki and started another offensive. Steve didn’t resist this time, yet he couldn’t help but think that he himself was hardly the optimist he had once been.

 _What I have you for_ …

Why did those words thrill him so much?

* * *

“Is it magic, what I can do?” asked Wanda one evening.

It was the first time she had brought up anything pertaining to _that_ conversation up around Loki. Perhaps in the least painful way possible - taking advantage of an opportunity to find out more about her powers from the person most intimately familiar with its source.

Loki looked up from his bowl of soup, aware of the others’ eyes on him. He frowned, considering it. “I suppose it’s as good a term as any. It’s of a kind quite different to my own, but magic is a fairly broad term that can describe a lot of things out of reach for the average mortal.”

“I don’t understand it,” she said bluntly. “It’s like there’s no real limit to it. Like if I’m not careful, it could end up controlling me. I don’t know anyone else with a power like that.” She met Loki’s eyes, who was watching her carefully. “Do you really think I could destroy the mind stone if I wanted to? They’re meant to be these… these things that are building blocks or fundamental aspects or _whatever_ of the universe. Surely I wouldn’t stand a chance.” She sounded like that failure wouldn’t be too disagreeable to her.

Loki swallowed a mouthful of soup before answering. “You might. After all, you gained your powers from one of those _aspects_ \- I’ve never heard of anything like it. Beings acting as a vessel for the power of a stone, perhaps… But for a limited time. And even then it’ll usually tear them apart. You obviously don’t possess the stone in its entirety - that would be the r- Vision. But part of it is yours, and yours alone.”

“If the stone were gone, would my powers be too?”

A shrug. “I really don’t know enough about the nature of your powers to give you a definitive answer. If I had to guess, I’d probably say no. Like I said, that power is now part of you. But I could be wrong.” He leaned back slightly, thin fingers tapping against the bowl. “I wonder, would that be a relief or a disappointment to you?”

He didn’t get an answer.

* * *

“Does it make a difference?” Steve paused, searching for the right words as Loki looked at him with a furrowed brow. “Having lived this long. It must… I don’t know, does the idea of death, of things ending… Does it make that worse?” He didn’t quite know what he was asking but he still felt like there was something there he wanted to know.

“By your standards I’ve had more than my fair share of life,” said Loki. He clearly didn’t quite know what Steve wanted to hear, which made two of them.

“If you’ve lived so long… I don’t know,” he repeated. “I just kind of wonder whether little things even matter any more. Like, there must be so _many_ moments that they just… fade together, or something…?”

“Is this about why I come to visit you? Again?” asked Loki with a touch of exasperation.

It probably was, Steve realised a little guiltily. Still, after all this time together, it struck him as bizarre that Loki would care at all about something so… small. Especially if he thought his time was limited. He tried to put all that into a coherent sentence. “I guess I’m still curious why you’re here if you think the universe is gonna be destroyed.” It came out way blunter than he intended but… it’d have to do.

Loki pecked Steve on the cheek before replying, running his cool fingers all over the back of Steve’s neck. “Shouldn’t I enjoy my time?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Hmm, why _am_ I here?” said Loki quietly. He paused before speaking. “There was a time not too long ago when I thought that only that which is eternal is of worth. It is a downside of such a long lifespan to lose sight of the singular moments as you surmised… But all things die, in the end. Perhaps none of our actions will end up leaving a mark, perhaps all the struggles we went through were truly futile. Yet that makes this moment all the more precious, not for the echoes it leaves through time but in and of itself. It may not last, but it is still worthy of our attention.”

When Loki spoke to him in that low murmur of his, Steve could not help but relax. Loki’s roaming hand did not hurt either. He felt so safe here, so warm that Loki’s words made sense to him. Even if this ended, as it had to, he supposed, it wouldn’t have been worthless. Right now, he was happy. And that was enough.

“Thank you,” said Steve somewhat dreamily, wrapping himself around Loki as the other continued to gently caress him.

“Whatever for?” asked Loki, sounding confused.

“For making me happy.”

Loki’s hand stopped moving. Steve opened his eyes again reluctantly and saw Loki staring at him in shock.

“What?”

“It’s just…” Loki’s tongue slid over his teeth. “I’m not quite used to the idea of making another person happy.”

Ugh. “You’re rather good at it,” said Steve, trying to keep his tone light.

“I’m good at _satisfying_ people. That’s different.”

“But you make _me_ happy. Deal with it.” He leaned into him again and closed his eyes, but not before seeing Loki smile.

* * *

And then, one day, Loki stopped coming.

No warning, nothing. Just an absence where Loki had once been.

Budapest wasn’t the same without him. Steve no longer ventured into the city centre, mostly because it was too dangerous without Loki’s magic to protect him. But even if it were safe, he couldn’t imagine going there without him. Soon, they moved again, so that Wanda could reestablish contact with Vision. And he was told of what could come, and they decided to wait, to hope that the terrible threats Loki had prophesied would not come to pass.

It was the kind of romance that came and went, of course. They could have never been together for long, of course. And they had used that time well. Steve felt sure of that. That didn’t mean he didn’t miss Loki, that his absence didn’t burn and that he didn’t still carry with him the shadow of that odd figure who had found his way into Steve’s heart. And every time he turned into a dimly lit alleyway or stared out at Copenhagen or opened the door to his room, he expected Loki to be there again.

But he wasn’t.

And he didn’t come back. And Steve couldn’t help but be terrified that he never would. And in his mind echoed constantly the words he had never gotten around to saying, but he knew without a doubt he meant. So many words had been spoken between them, and yet the very simplest had been left out.

He would probably never get the chance.

Did Loki miss him? Who knew, really. He was so much older than Steve, so much stranger, so that maybe those brief moments together had slipped out of his mind again. Steve wouldn’t resent it. But he did hope that wherever he was, Loki was all right. Because the alternative was too painful to bear.

Was one more encounter really too much to ask for? Even if what they had shared faded into nothing, could they not simply exchange a few words, be in each other’s presence? Steve had never even had the chance to say goodbye.

Please, let him have run away. Let him have disappeared as he said he might. So that when what was to come indeed arrived, Steve could at least hold on to the knowledge that Loki had escaped.

Had he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to write a maybe 2000 word max one-shot and then about three days later I'd written more than twenty thousand words for a pair I'm not even sure I ship, wondering what the hell happened. It was weirdly fun to write though, even if it is a little sad, and I am reasonably happy with the end result.  
> Do please leave comments, kudos, an ask on Tumblr, whichever, thank you for reading & I hope you enjoyed it!


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